When my child screams in public because I said no, how do I handle it without giving in or making a scene? 

Parenting Perspective 

Public tantrums are among the most challenging moments in parenting, not just because your child is distressed, but because of the pressure of being watched. In that moment, it is easy to feel a strong urge to either placate your child by giving in, or assert your authority by reacting harshly. However, neither approach teaches a helpful long-term lesson. The goal is to remain calm and act as if you have no audience; your primary role is to guide your child, not to perform for strangers. 

Responding in the Moment 

Start by keeping your voice low and steady: ‘I know you are upset, but the answer is still no’. Avoid bargaining, negotiating, or raising your voice, as these actions tend to fuel the outburst. Allow your child the space to feel their emotions while you remain the anchor that holds the boundary. 

If possible, calmly move to a quieter area—a hallway, a quiet corner, or just outside the shop. This is not a punishment but a chance for you both to reset away from public view. You can say firmly, ‘We are going to wait here until you are calm, and then we can continue’. This sends a clear message that a public outburst does not change the outcome or earn extra attention. 

Holding the Boundary 

Do not attempt to lecture or reason with a child while they are screaming. Their brain is in a reactive state and cannot process logic. Instead, wait for a brief pause in the tantrum, and then validate their feeling while restating your limit: ‘You really wanted that, and it is hard to hear no. I understand. The answer has not changed’. 

Teaching for the Future 

When the emotional storm has passed, you can use the experience as a teaching moment. Later, ask your child: ‘What is a better thing to do next time you feel that upset in a shop?’. Offer them concrete alternatives, such as taking deep breaths, using a quiet voice to say ‘I am sad’, or asking for a hug. Giving them these emotional regulation tools will equip them to handle disappointment better in the future. Most importantly, do not let embarrassment dictate your parenting. Your child learns self-control by watching you exercise it, especially under pressure. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches the virtues of dignity and forbearance (hilm), particularly in moments of public or private emotional distress. As a parent, you are not just managing behaviour; you are modelling leadership under pressure. 

Patience as a Sign of Strength 

This verse praises the strength required to remain patient and composed when provoked. A public tantrum is a significant test of that patience, and responding with calm resolve is a mark of true inner strength. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Ash Shura (42), Verse 43: 

‘And whoever is patient and forgives, indeed, that is of the matters [requiring] determination. ‘

The Greatest Gift is Forbearance 

This Hadith has a powerful application for parenting in public. Your strength is not found in overpowering your child, but in guiding them with unwavering calm, even when you feel that all eyes are on you. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6470, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘and he who remains patient, Allah will bestow patience upon him, and he who is satisfied with what he has, Allah will make him self-sufficient. And there is no gift better and vast (you may be given) than patience. ‘

By refusing to give in to your child’s demands while also refusing to escalate the conflict with anger, you teach a profound lesson. You show your child—and yourself—that emotional regulation is a skill that can be mastered. In any situation, public or private, Allah Almighty is your most important witness.