What to Do When Your Child Never Asks You to Play 

Parenting Perspective 

It is natural to feel a sense of distance when your child repeatedly seeks their mother for play and not you. This does not mean you are unwanted, but rather that children often develop habits of comfort, and in many families the mother becomes the default for play because of familiarity. The good news is that bonds are not fixed, and you can build your own entry point into your child’s world without guilt or force. 

Lower the Pressure 

The first step is to lower the pressure. If you approach play with the weight of guilt, your child may sense the tension. Instead, start with small, natural moments of presence rather than declaring, ‘Now I will play with you.’ For example, if your child is building blocks with their mother, simply sit nearby and begin stacking a few blocks of your own without expectation. This communicates that you are interested and available without demanding their attention. 

Secondly, find areas where your natural strengths or interests align with theirs. If you enjoy storytelling, take the bedtime routine a few nights and make it playful. If you are practical, involve them in real,life tasks like cooking or fixing something, but add a playful twist. Children often connect deeply when they sense that a parent is genuinely engaged rather than imitating another parent’s style. 

Consistency Matters More Than Intensity 

Consistency matters more than intensity. Even short but regular playful interactions, done with warmth and patience, will slowly shift your child’s associations. In time, they will begin to see you as another safe figure for fun, without you needing to compete with their mother or force yourself into their rhythm. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you love, tolerance and kindness; indeed, in this there are Signs (of the infinite truth) for the nations that have realisation.’ 

This verse highlights that affection and mercy are central to human relationships, including within families. Bonds of comfort are built through steady affection rather than demands or force. 

The Prophetic Model: Initiate Kindness Consistently 

It is recorded in Riyadh as Salihin that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and honour our elders.’ 

[Riyadh as Salihin,355] 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ actively showed children mercy through attention, play, and warmth, even when they did not seek him first. His example shows that a parent models mercy by initiating kindness consistently, not by waiting to be chosen. 

By easing guilt, joining in gently, and offering consistent warmth, you create new pathways of connection. Over time, your child will learn that fun and comfort can be found with you as well, and this bond will feel natural, not forced.