What to Do When Your Child Feels Second to Your Phone 

Parenting Perspective 

Hearing your child say they feel second to your phone can be painful. It may sting not because you do not care, but because you do, deeply. Often, the phone is a symbol of something else: work, stress, responsibility. But to a child, it simply looks like disconnection. They do not see your deadlines or obligations. They only see your eyes elsewhere when they have a desire for your presence. 

Begin with Acknowledgement 

Shifting this dynamic begins with acknowledgement. Let your child know their words stayed with you. Say calmly, ‘When you said that I took it seriously. I never want you to feel less important than a screen.’ This moment alone can begin to repair trust. It shows your child that their feelings are valid and that you are listening, even if you cannot always be available. 

Create Visible Boundaries 

From there, create boundaries around your phone use that are visible and dependable. Choose one or two anchor points in the day, mealtimes, bedtime, or school pickup, where the phone is put away fully. Tell your child in advance: ‘This is your time. No phone.’ Even five minutes of full attention has more impact than an hour of distracted multitasking. The child then knows that this time even comprising a few minutes belongs to me only and my father would be invested in me only.  

Involve Them in Understanding 

If work truly demands full-time availability, involve your child in understanding that, but in a way that affirms their worth. Say, ‘Sometimes work needs me, but that never means I care about it more than you. I will always come back to you.’ Then follow through. Reliability, even in short bursts, builds trust. 

You do not need to eliminate your phone. You only need to use it with presence and purpose. When your child sees that you are aware of your habits, willing to adjust, and committed to staying connected, they feel safe again. 

Spiritual Insight 

Distraction is not a modern problem, but it has existed even when modern technology was not present. From the earliest generations, believers were warned about anything that takes the heart away from presence, with Allah, and with those He has placed in our care. Islam teaches us to guard our attention, because what we give it to reflects what we prioritise. 

A Reminder Not to Be Diverted 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Munafiqoon (63), verse 9: 

‘O those of you who are believers, let not your wealth and children become a hindrance in the remembrance of Allah (Almighty); and whoever allows that to happen, then they shall be in absolute deficit.’ 

Although this Verse speaks of children and wealth, it points to a deeper truth, that even good things can become distractions if they pull us away from our responsibilities. In your case, the phone itself may not be the problem. But if it distracts from the trust of parenting, it must be realigned. 

The Prophetic Model: You Are a Shepherd 

It is recorded in Mishkat al-Masabih that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.’ 

[Mishkat al-Masabih,18:25] 

This Hadith reminds us that parenting is not only about provision, but about presence. If a father is constantly available to the world but unavailable to his child, that child may quietly feel emotionally alone. But when the same father takes even small, consistent steps to show up with attention, that care becomes a form of Ibadah. 

So even if your work needs you, your child needs you more. Remember that your child does not always measure your presence in hours, but they do in attention. Reclaim it with intention, and you begin to restore both trust and balance.