What to Do When Your Child Does Not Show Affection Back 

Parenting Perspective 

It is deeply human to want to feel loved and received, especially by your own child. When your gestures of warmth go unreturned, it can feel like rejection, even when you know in your mind that children express themselves differently. What you are facing is not a lack of love from your child, but a mismatch between your emotional language and theirs. The emotional language which you carry is different from your child that is why their expression of feelings can also vary from your expectations.  

They May Be Loving You in Their Own Way 

Children do not always know how to copy and show adult expressions of affection. Some may feel overwhelmed by strong emotions. Others may show love through acts of closeness, shared interests, or quiet loyalty rather than words or physical affection. Your child may be loving you in their own way, even if it does not come in the form you are reaching for. 

Stay Emotionally Steady 

The real work here is staying emotionally steady and open without making your child responsible for regulating your feelings. When you say ‘I love you’ and do not hear it back, the invitation is to respond with emotional generosity, not withdrawal. You might say gently, ‘You do not have to say it back, I just want you to know it is true.’ 

Doing this repeatedly and calmly teaches your child two things: that love is safe, and that it is not conditional which means that it does not have to be reciprocated always. Over time, this security will lay the foundation for more open affection, but that is a blessing, not a demand. 

Process Your Feelings Privately 

To support yourself emotionally, name what you are feeling privately. Disappointment, sadness, or loneliness are valid. Processing these feelings elsewhere (with a spouse, journal, or prayer) allows you to continue offering love without resentment building underneath. 

Ultimately, the parenting gift is to offer love not because it will be mirrored, but because it is your Amanah. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Insaan (76), verses 8–9: 

‘And donate food, despite their own desire for nourishment, to the needy and the orphans and those held in captivity. Indeed, (they say in their hearts): “We are only feeding you for the sake of Allah (Almighty); we do not seek from you any reward or any gratitude”.’ 

This Verse reveals a deeper ethic of giving: to offer from the heart, seeking only Allah’s pleasure, not human reciprocation. This mindset, when brought into parenting, transforms how we love our children, not as a trade, but as an act of service to the One who entrusted them to us. 

The Prophetic Model: Your Conduct Matters 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not of us who does not have mercy on young children.‘

[Jami al-Tirmidhi, 27:27] 

This Hadith does not mention their response, only the adult’s conduct. Your mercy, your patience, your quiet persistence, all of this is part of your character which is a trait followed by the holy Prophet ﷺ. 

By continuing to show up with affection, even when it feels one-sided, you are embodying a love that is not dependent on validation but rooted in your spiritual identity as a parent. Keep sowing the seeds. They may grow quietly, but they are growing all the same.