Parenting Perspective 

When a child expresses feelings like ‘I hate you’ or ‘I hate them,’ it usually indicates that they are experiencing overwhelming emotions rather than genuine hatred. This phrase often serves to avoid discomfort or to try to take back control when feeling powerless, disappointed, or frustrated. A calm and organised response is more effective than reacting with punishment or shame. 

It is advisable for parents to wait until the child is calm before discussing the matter at hand. During a calm moment, consider what may have occurred: ‘You expressed something intense earlier; were you feeling angry or hurt?’ This assists children in recognising that although their feelings are legitimate, not every way of expressing those feelings is appropriate. 

Guiding Emotional Expression 

Instruct children on different ways to communicate their anger in a safe manner, such as: 

• ‘I feel upset.’ 

• ‘I did not like what happened.’ 

Utilise supportive language to assist them in recognising the difference between experiencing anger and expressing it through hurtful words. Encourage them to practise using respectful communication through: 

• Storytelling 

• Drawing 

• Role-playing activities 

Over time, this fosters a way of speaking that reflects emotional control and respect. The goal is not to eliminate anger, but to manage it effectively that is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and building long-term emotional strength. 

Spiritual Insight 

The noble Qur’an warns us about the impact of our words. 

Allah Almighty states in Surah Qaaf (50), Verse 18: 

‘(Man) is unable to utter a single word, without him being closely observed (and all actions being recorded), who is always present. ‘

This verse acts as a strong reminder that every word we speak holds significant spiritual importance. Helping children understand that their words carry weight, particularly when they are upset, promotes thoughtful consideration and awareness of Allah Almighty. 

Parents can calmly explain that even when we are upset, we should speak with honesty and kindness. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 10, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand the Muslims are safe. ‘

This Hadith clearly indicates that emotional safety is an essential aspect of Islamic character. 

When children use hurtful words, help them understand the impact on the other person and assist them in making things right. A short Dua such as ‘O Allah, help me use kind words even when I am angry’ can be part of the family’s reflective routine. 

By connecting emotional control to Islamic duties, children understand that true strength is found not in aggressive words, but in the self-restraint that comes from their faith.