Parenting Perspective 

It is natural for children to notice the differences in the way that each of their parents does things. If they are not guided through this, they may begin to favour one parent’s way over the other, which can cause a sense of division and confusion in the home. Teaching them to respect both of their parents’ approaches equally can help them to understand that this variety is not a contradiction, but is in fact complementary. The key to this is a commitment to consistency and unity, and to framing your differences as a strength, rather than as a source of rivalry. 

Present a United Front 

It is important to always explain your family’s decisions by saying, ‘Mummy and Daddy have decided…’ instead of pointing to just one parent. This helps to prevent your children from weighing one parent’s authority as being greater than the other. 

Highlight Each Parent’s Strengths 

You can say to your child, ‘Daddy is very patient when he is helping you with your homework, and Mummy is really good at organising fun activities for us.’ By openly acknowledging the value that both of you bring, you are modelling a balanced sense of respect. 

Avoid Criticising Each Other in Front of Your Child 

Even the most subtle undermining of your spouse can damage the respect your child has for them. If you happen to disagree with your spouse, it is best to discuss it with them later in private, to ensure that your child’s trust in both of you remains intact. 

Create Joint Routines 

Your family’s routines for bedtime, mealtimes, and chores should ideally reflect the contributions of both parents. This shows your child in a practical way that both of your approaches are valid and necessary for the smooth running of the home. 

Reinforce This with Affirming Words 

You can tell your child, ‘You are so blessed that you get to learn from both of us.’ This kind of language encourages them to value the influence of both of their parents equally. 

By weaving a sense of respect for both parents into your daily routines and your family’s language, you can raise a child who is able to see the unity in your diversity, and who learns that true love values each and every contribution. 

Spiritual Insight 

Honouring Both Parents as an Islamic Principle 

Islam honours both the father and the mother, and it reminds us that each of them plays a vital and complementary role in the raising of their children. The act of teaching your child to respect both of their parents’ ways is a direct reflection of the Islamic teachings on balance, gratitude, and fairness. 

The Command to Show Gratitude to Both Parents 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 14: 

‘And We (Allah Almighty) have decreed upon mankind in regard to his parents; his mother carried him (in pregnancy exposing her to) weakness upon weakness; and his dependent nourishment (from her) for two years; (thus O mankind) be grateful to Me (Allah Almighty) and to your parents, and to Me is (your ultimate) destination.’ 

This verse reminds us that our gratitude and our respect must be shown to both of our parents equally. 

The Command to Treat Children Fairly 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 3687, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and treat your children fairly.’ 

This hadith teaches us that the quality of fairness is essential in our parenting. By modelling a deep and equal respect for both parents in the home, our children can learn the beautiful values of balance and justice. By grounding this respect in these sacred teachings, you can help your child to understand that both of their parents’ ways are essential and are divinely valued. They will learn that honouring each of their parents equally is a part of their faith, and is a path to the pleasure of Allah.