Parenting Perspective 

Our in-laws often hold strong opinions about parenting, which have been shaped by their own unique experiences. While their advice may be coming from a place of love, it can sometimes feel overbearing, especially if it seems to dismiss the boundaries that you and your spouse have agreed upon together. Allowing your boundaries to be constantly overruled can be confusing for your child and can serve to undermine your unity as parents. Protecting those boundaries, therefore, requires a delicate balance of both firmness and respect. 

Present Your Boundaries as ‘We’ Decisions 

When you are speaking to your in-laws, it is helpful to always say, ‘We have decided…’ instead of, ‘I think…’ This simple practice shows that you and your spouse are united in your decisions, leaving no room for relatives to play one of you against the other. 

Use Respectful but Firm Language 

If one of your boundaries is crossed, you can respond in a calm and measured way by saying, ‘We really appreciate your concern, but this is the way that works best for our family right now.’ Using a respectful tone can soften the firmness of your words, while still keeping the line clear. 

Involve Them in Positive Roles 

You can invite your in-laws to share their stories, their cultural traditions, or to engage in special activities with your child. When they feel that their role in your child’s life is being valued in these safe and positive ways, they are often less likely to push against the boundaries you have set. 

Revisit Your Boundaries Privately with Your Spouse 

It is a good idea to regularly check in with each other by asking, ‘Are we still feeling comfortable with the way things are going?’ Being on the same page will strengthen your ability to uphold your boundaries together. 

Stay Consistent 

If you allow some of your rules to slide under pressure from your in-laws, they will naturally expect the same thing to happen again in the future. Maintaining consistency, even if it feels uncomfortable at first, is what will teach others to respect your parenting choices. 

By remaining united, respectful, and consistent, you can protect your child from confusion and can help to maintain a sense of harmony in your extended family relationships. 

Spiritual Insight 

Balancing Kindness with Responsibility 

Islam emphasises the importance of maintaining our ties with our relatives, while at the same time prioritising the justice and responsibility we hold within our own household. The act of protecting your boundaries with kindness is part of the delicate balance between honouring your elders and safeguarding your sacred trust as parents. 

Honouring Parents and Elders with Kindness 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 23: 

‘And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably; whether one of them or both of them reach old age in your lifetime; then do not say to either of them ‘Uff’ (an expression of disrespectful frustration) and do not  admonish them; and talk to them with kind words.’ 

This verse reminds us of the importance of maintaining noble and respectful speech with our elders, even in moments when we may disagree with them. 

Protecting the Trust of Parenthood 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 3685, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A man is a shepherd over his family and is responsible for them, and a woman is a shepherd over her husband’s household and children and is responsible for them.’ 

This hadith teaches us that it is the parents themselves who are ultimately accountable before Allah for their children, not the extended family members. By upholding a respectful firmness with your in-laws, you are following the beautiful Islamic model of balance: showing kindness to your elders, without neglecting your primary duty as a parent. This helps to ensure that your child grows up in a home that is both respectful of its extended family and steady in its own guidance.