What should I do when siblings use harsh words during arguments? 

Parenting Perspective 

Stay Calm and Help Them Name Their Feelings 

Arguments between siblings are normal, but harsh words can leave deep wounds if they are not handled with care. Children often use unkind words when they feel powerless or unheard. The first step is to stay calm yourself, even when you feel frustrated. Step in gently and separate them if needed so they have space to cool down. Once they are calm, bring them together and help them name what they really feel underneath the anger. You might say, ‘You were upset because you felt left out, not because you truly hate your brother.’ This helps them see that hurtful words often come from other feelings like jealousy, sadness, or fear. 

Teach the Power of Words 

Teach your children that their words have power. Use simple examples they can understand; for instance, you can compare unkind words to thorns that leave scratches behind. Practise better ways to speak. Role-play kind ways to express difficult feelings, like saying, ‘I felt angry when you took my toy,’ instead of, ‘You are so mean.’ Praise any effort they make to speak with more care next time. If harsh words slip out again, guide them to apologise sincerely and check if their sibling feels better. Over time, they will learn that their words can either hurt or heal, and that family is a place where mistakes can be mended with honesty and kindness. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us to guard our tongues because words can either bring mercy or cause harm. Allah Almighty reminds us of this in the noble Quran at Surah Qaaf (50), Verse 18: 

‘(Man) is unable to utter a single word, without him being closely observed (and all actions being recorded) ….‘

This verse gently teaches that every word counts, even those spoken in anger. Helping children understand this builds a sense of responsibility for what they say. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others; the strong man is the one who controls himself when he is angry.‘

When siblings learn to pause and choose better words, they are practising true strength. You can guide them to make a small Dua when they feel like shouting hurtful things, for example, ‘Ya Allah, help me guard my tongue.’ Remind them that forgiving each other after harsh words is a noble act that brings them closer to each other and to Allah Almighty. Your gentle reminders can turn daily arguments into lessons on mercy, self-control, and sincere repair, all of which strengthen the bond between siblings for life.