Parenting Perspective 

It can be particularly disheartening when one child begins to copy the rude or defiant way their sibling speaks to you. Sibling dynamics often involve a degree of imitation, and when negative behaviours are mirrored, it can feel like a significant breach of respect. However, this is a critical opportunity to teach valuable lessons about respect, empathy, and self-control, while also addressing the underlying family dynamics. The goal is not simply to stop the rude talk, but to cultivate a household culture of mutual respect. 

Acknowledge the Behaviour Without Escalating 

Your immediate reaction sets the tone for the entire interaction. Responding with anger will likely escalate the situation, whereas a calm and firm response asserts your authority while opening the door for a teaching moment. 

• Stay Calm and Collected: When your child speaks rudely, resist the urge to react with harshness. A calm, steady voice is far more effective. Address the issue directly by saying something like, ‘That tone of voice is not respectful, and we do not speak to each other that way in this family.’ 

• Avoid Focusing Solely on Punishment: While consequences may be necessary, the primary focus should be on instruction. A punitive approach can breed resentment. Instead, frame the conversation around understanding why the behaviour is unacceptable and learning better ways to communicate. 

Teach Respect and Empathy 

This is an opportunity to reinforce core family values. Use this incident to explain how disrespectful language affects relationships and hurts feelings. 

• Model Respectful Communication: The most powerful tool you have is your own example. Consistently model the calm and kind language you expect from your children, even when you are frustrated with them. 

• Encourage Sincere Apologies: Guide your child to apologise, not as a rote compliance but as a genuine act of repairing a relationship. Explain that apologising is about taking responsibility for our words and making things right. 

• Help Them Express Feelings Constructively: Often, rude talk is a clumsy attempt to express a difficult emotion. Teach your child the language to do this constructively. You might say, ‘It is okay to be upset, but it is better to say, “I am feeling angry right now. Can we talk?” instead of using a rude tone.’ 

Reinforce Positive Communication 

Actively look for and acknowledge instances of good communication to encourage your child to continue their efforts. 

• Praise Positive Changes: When your child chooses a respectful tone, especially if they have to correct themselves, offer immediate and specific praise. Positive reinforcement is a powerful motivator for change. 

• Create Opportunities for Reflection: Encourage your child to think about the impact of their words. Ask gentle questions like, ‘How do you think your brother felt when you spoke to him that way?’ This helps them develop emotional awareness and empathy. 

By consistently addressing rude behaviour with calm instruction and modelling respect yourself, you can guide your child away from negative imitation and towards building healthier, more considerate relationships. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places immense importance on the manner in which we speak to one another, forbidding mockery and disrespect as they harm the fabric of community and family. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘…Do not let a nation ridicule another nation…’ 

This divine command makes it clear that using hurtful or mocking language is unacceptable. We are instructed to communicate in a way that preserves the dignity of others, a principle that is foundational to a respectful home. 

True strength is not found in dominance or harshness, but in self-control. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who overcomes others by strength, but the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

This hadith teaches a profound lesson in emotional regulation. By modelling patience and controlling our own anger, we show our children that true strength lies in grace and self-mastery. We teach them to manage their frustrations without resorting to disrespectful words, aligning their behaviour with a higher, nobler standard.