What should I do if my child hits or bites? 

Parenting Perspective 

Understanding the Behaviour 

When your child hits or bites, it can feel shocking, embarrassing and sometimes even frightening. Try to remember that this behaviour is often your child’s desperate attempt to cope with big emotions they do not yet have words for. Many young children, especially those with additional needs, find it hard to control their impulses when they feel overwhelmed, angry or misunderstood. 

Staying Calm and Focusing on Safety 

Start by staying as calm as you can. Shouting or hitting back only teaches fear, not understanding. If needed, move your child gently to a safe space where they cannot hurt anyone. Use clear, firm words such as, ‘Hitting hurts. We do not hit people. I am here to help you calm down.’ Focus on safety first, protecting siblings or others nearby if you must. 

Talking It Through Afterwards 

When your child is calm again, talk about what happened in simple, kind words. Help them connect their feelings to their actions. For example, ‘You were angry when your toy broke, but biting hurts. Next time, you can squeeze this pillow instead.’ Practise these alternative ways to let out big feelings when things are peaceful, using a chew toy, hitting a cushion or asking for help when they feel upset. 

The Importance of Repetition and Praise 

Keep repeating these lessons with patience. It takes time for young brains to learn how to manage strong impulses.¹ Praise any small attempt your child makes to express frustration safely. 

If hitting or biting happens often and starts to feel unmanageable, do not hesitate to speak with a trusted professional for extra ideas and support. Remember, you are not a failure. You are a steady, patient guide on your child’s journey to understand their feelings and learn safer ways to cope. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam reminds us that children’s behaviours are part of their learning and that guiding them gently is an act of worship. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahrim (66), Verse 6: 

‘O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire… ‘

This Ayah reminds us that teaching right and wrong, even in small moments like this, is part of fulfilling your trust as a parent. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3671, that holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘Be kind to children and perfect in your upbringing of them. ‘

This Hadith Shareef inspires us to correct with compassion, not harshness. Make sincere Dua for calmness in the heat of the moment and for wisdom in your words. Remind yourself that each time you hold your child’s small hands and say, ‘We do not hurt others,’ you are planting seeds of mercy and self-control. Trust that Allah Almighty sees your patient teaching, your tired tears and your loving firmness. May He reward your effort, help your child grow in understanding, and place Barakah in your home as you guide them towards safe, kind ways of handling their feelings.