Parenting Perspective 

When children move between two homes due to separation or shared custody, they often have to navigate different rules about things like bedtime, screen time, or chores. This can cause confusion and feelings of unfairness, and may lead them to test the boundaries in each home. A clear and collaborative plan can help children to adjust without feeling caught between two conflicting systems. 

Step 1: Agree on Core Non-Negotiables 

Even if not every rule can be the same, parents should try to align on the absolute basics, such as safety, respect for elders, and good manners. For example, agreeing on a rule like, ‘Homework must be finished before any games are played’ creates consistency across both homes and reduces stress for the child. 

Step 2: Explain Differences Honestly 

When rules do differ, it is best to address it with the child calmly and honestly. You could say, ‘Every home has its own way of doing things. At your Dad’s house, the rule is like this, and here in my house, the rule is like that. You are smart enough to handle both’. This normalises the difference without blaming either parent. 

Step 3: Create Transition Rituals 

Have a small, comforting routine that signals the shift from one home to the other. This could be unpacking their bag together, sharing a cup of tea, or having a quiet chat about their week. A simple ritual can help a child to settle emotionally instead of carrying tension with them. 

Step 4: Validate Their Feelings 

It is important to acknowledge any frustration your child may be feeling. Saying, ‘I know it can be hard to switch between different rules’ shows that you understand their struggle. Listening to their feelings can prevent resentment from building up and teaches them the valuable life skill of adaptability. 

Step 5: Model Respect for Both Homes 

You should never criticise the other parent’s household rules in front of your child. Instead, show them that adults can disagree with dignity and respect. This protects their sense of security and their loyalty to both parents. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam commands parents to be fair, consistent, and to protect their children from harm. Even when a family structure is divided across two homes, the children’s hearts must be kept safe from the emotional damage of confusion and conflict. 

A Quranic Reminder on Protecting Children 

The Quran reminds parents that their children should never be used as tools in a conflict between them, and that the child’s well-being must always come first. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 233: 

‘…The mother shall not be made to suffer because of the child and neither the father shall be (made to suffer) because of his child…’ 

This reminds us that a child’s emotional safety is a parental duty. 

The Prophetic Teaching on Parental Accountability 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that all parents are responsible for how they raise their children and will be held accountable by Allah for their stability and guidance. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1829, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, Allah will ask every shepherd about his flock, whether he fulfilled his duty or neglected it, until He will ask a man about the members of his household.’ 

This teaches us that no matter the living arrangements, both parents remain accountable for providing guidance. 

By managing different home rules with patience and fairness, you can shield your children from feeling torn. They will learn that while households may differ, love, respect, and faith remain constant anchors in their lives.