What if my child says, “I don’t care” after being apologised to? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child responds to an apology with ‘I do not care’, it usually indicates deeper feelings of hurt, defensiveness, or mistrust. Although the words may sound dismissive, the real issue is often that they do not yet feel ready to forgive or do not know how to express their lingering emotions. The goal is to help them move beyond this dismissiveness and towards genuine healing. 

Looking Beyond the Dismissive Words 

It is important to respond gently by saying, ‘When you say you do not care, it sounds like you are finding it hard to talk about your feelings. I know you were very hurt by what happened.’ This approach validates the emotion behind the words instead of taking them at face value. 

Guiding Towards a Respectful Response 

You can guide your child by offering them alternative phrases to use, such as, ‘I need some more time,’ or ‘I am still upset, but thank you for saying sorry.’ These options give them the space they need to process their feelings while still showing respect to the person apologising. 

Encouraging Expression of Lingering Hurt 

Help your child to articulate why they are still upset by asking, ‘What part of what happened is still bothering you?’ Talking through the issue helps them to feel that their feelings have been properly acknowledged, which reduces the urge to push others away with a dismissive response. 

Modelling Graceful Acceptance 

When someone apologises to you, show your child how to respond with both honesty and grace. You might say, ‘I was hurt by what you did, but I appreciate your apology.’ Children learn how to handle these situations with dignity when they see apology and forgiveness modelled thoughtfully. 

By teaching your child that forgiveness can take time and that respectful responses are better than dismissive ones, you nurture empathy and sincerity in their relationships. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that forgiveness is a noble act, but it must be approached with sincerity. Dismissing an apology with arrogance can close the door to reconciliation, whereas accepting it, even if one needs time, softens hearts and invites the mercy of Allah Almighty. 

Quranic Guidance on Mending Ties 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verse 1: 

‘…So, seek piety from Allah (Almighty), and correct all matters (in the relationships) between yourselves; and obey Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), if you are true believers.’ 

This verse reminds us that the acts of reconciliation and mending ties are essential components of true faith. 

Prophetic Wisdom on Showing Mercy 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2319, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy to the people, Allah will not show mercy to him.’ 

This hadith teaches us that refusing to show softness when others are seeking peace can close us off from receiving the mercy of Allah. 

By connecting the act of forgiveness to the concepts of mercy and reconciliation, you can show your child that dismissiveness is not a sign of strength. True honour lies in responding with kindness and patience, even if they need time to fully forgive. This helps them to learn that repairing hearts is an integral part of living with faith, dignity, and compassion.