Parenting Perspective 

It is often both surprising and disheartening to hear your own negative words repeated by your child. In these moments, it is natural to feel a sense of responsibility, as you are your child’s primary linguistic model. This situation, however, presents a valuable opportunity to reflect on the power of your language and guide your child towards more positive expression. When children repeat these words, they are often not being malicious; rather, they are attempting to articulate big emotions with the limited tools they have acquired, primarily from you. 

Acknowledge and Address the Situation Calmly 

The immediate priority is to address the language without shaming the child. Your reaction will shape their understanding of the situation. 

• Acknowledge the Impact: Gently explain that some words are not helpful. You can say, ‘I know you heard me say that word earlier, but it is not the best one to use when we are upset because it can hurt people’s feelings.’ 

• Explain the Harm: Help them understand the power that words carry. A simple explanation might be, ‘When we use unkind words, it can make others feel sad. Our goal should always be to solve problems, not to make others feel bad, even when we are frustrated.’ 

Take Responsibility and Offer a Better Alternative 

Modelling accountability is one of the most powerful lessons you can teach. By owning your mistake, you show your child that learning and changing is a lifelong process. 

• Apologise and Take Responsibility: Be direct and sincere. For example: ‘I am sorry for using that word earlier. I was feeling frustrated, but that does not make it right. I am going to try much harder to use calm words next time.’ 

• Introduce Positive Language: Actively provide your child with a new script for difficult moments. Encourage them to replace negative outbursts with constructive phrases. For example, teach them to say ‘I feel frustrated’ instead of making a harsh declaration, or ‘I need some space’ as an alternative to a cutting remark. 

Model and Reinforce Positive Behaviour 

Long-term change is built on consistency and encouragement. Your own behaviour is the most important teaching tool. 

• Model Positive Communication: When you feel upset, make a conscious effort to use respectful language. Narrating your own process can be very effective: ‘I am feeling really upset right now. I am going to take a moment to calm down before I speak.’ 

• Praise Their Efforts: Whenever your child chooses better words to express their feelings, acknowledge it. Positive reinforcement validates their effort and motivates them to continue building the habit of respectful communication. 

By addressing the issue with calm accountability and consistently modelling the desired behaviour, you can equip your child with the emotional intelligence to express themselves constructively. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a profound emphasis on the sanctity of the spoken word, reminding believers that our speech is a reflection of our faith and has a direct impact on our relationships. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), Verse 70: 

‘…Always speak with words of blatant accuracy…’ 

This divine instruction reminds us that our words must be rooted in justice and integrity. This is not only for formal testimony but for all our interactions, especially with our families during moments of frustration. 

Our words should be a source of benefit and healing, not harm. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 278, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of people are those who are most beneficial to others.’ 

This hadith teaches a universal principle: our value is tied to the benefit we bring to others. Kind, constructive, and healing words are a primary way we can provide this benefit. By teaching our children the importance of using speech that uplifts rather than harms, we nurture their emotional and spiritual growth, building a foundation for compassionate communication that will last a lifetime.