We sometimes argue in front of our children about things that involve extended family. Could that fall under backbiting? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, arguing about extended family matters in front of your children can, in many cases, be considered a form of backbiting, especially when it involves complaining or revealing another’s faults. Even if you are just venting frustration, when children overhear these emotionally charged discussions, they absorb more than just information. They begin to form judgements and biases about people they are supposed to love and respect. Your home can become emotionally cluttered with adult frustrations that confuse your child’s sense of loyalty and belonging. It also burdens them with complex relational knowledge they are too young to process in a healthy way. 

The emotional weight of overheard complaints 

Children lack the maturity to differentiate between a parent’s momentary stress and a deeper truth. If they repeatedly hear you criticising a grandparent, for example, they may begin to mistrust that person or feel torn between loyalties. This can lead to anxiety during family visits or even imitative behaviour, where the child starts speaking negatively about others. To prevent this, you must establish a firm emotional boundary: adult disagreements about family are not for children’s ears. If something does slip out, follow it with a quick repair: “That is a grown-up issue and not something for you to worry about.” This protects your child’s heart and teaches them that respectful restraint is more important than emotional venting. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, backbiting (gheebah) is not just about speaking ill of someone in their absence; it also includes unnecessarily exposing their faults, even if what is said is true. The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ urge us to protect the dignity of others, especially our own family members. When this etiquette is forgotten in a moment of anger, particularly in front of impressionable children, we risk not only causing a spiritual harm but also planting seeds of division in young hearts. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 12: 

‘…And do not spy (on each other) and do not let some of you backbite against others; would one of you like to eat the meat of his mortally expired brother? Not at all – you would find it repulsive… ‘

This powerful imagery conveys the immense gravity of speaking ill of others. When a child overhears such speech, they may not detest it as they should; they may simply absorb it as normal. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2589, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do you know what backbiting is?’ They said, ‘Allah and His Messenger know best.’ He said, ‘It is to mention about your brother that which he dislikes. ‘

When such criticism is voiced in front of children, the harm of backbiting spreads quietly, shaping their young perceptions and hearts. Therefore, arguing about extended family in front of your children can indeed cross into the territory of gheebah, even if unintentionally. However, with awareness and a commitment to gentleness, you can return to a place of emotional and spiritual discipline. This is one that honours your relatives and upholds the beautiful Islamic ideal of preserving dignity, especially in the presence of the young souls who are learning from your every word.