We do not shout, but we do talk through gritted teeth or passive-aggressively. Is that still damaging for a child to witness? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, absolutely. Even without shouting, speaking through gritted teeth or with a passive-aggressive tone can be deeply unsettling for a child. Children respond not just to volume, but to the emotional undercurrents of a home. When a parent’s tone carries controlled hostility or tight restraint, a child senses the tension but struggles to understand it. This ambiguity is precisely what makes passive-aggression so confusing for them. Unlike open anger, which can be identified and navigated, the invisible strain of repressed frustration can teach a child to become hyper-vigilant, constantly scanning for signs of trouble. It models an emotionally dishonest style of communication, where real feelings are masked and expressed indirectly. 

How passive-aggression shapes emotional safety 

Children who grow up around passive-aggressive dynamics may develop anxiety in their everyday interactions. They might hesitate to ask questions or become overly accommodating in an effort to avoid triggering a parent’s hidden anger. Eventually, they may start mimicking the same behaviours, using sulky tones or sarcastic remarks instead of clear words. To change this pattern, you can begin by naming the emotional truth in the moment. Saying, “I can feel my voice getting tight because I am upset, but I want to explain it more calmly,” teaches your child that emotions are not the enemy. It shows them that feelings can be acknowledged and expressed honestly. Over time, this practice restores emotional clarity and demonstrates that even difficult feelings can be handled with sincerity. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places deep importance on the alignment between our words and our inner state. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never resorted to passive aggression or veiled hostility. His emotional clarity was rooted in sabr (patience), sidq (truthfulness), and rahmah (mercy). Even when facing personal pain, he never allowed bitterness to distort his speech. His words were never double-edged; they were dignified, transparent, and always aimed at healing. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the  politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them…. ‘

This verse is a direct reminder that unclear or sharp-edged communication, even when quiet, can plant seeds of emotional division in a home. 

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari, Hadith 6032, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, among the worst people to Allah on the Day of Resurrection is the one whom people avoid for fear of his evil. ‘

This warning includes emotional volatility, a state where people feel they must tiptoe around another person’s hidden irritation rather than relating to them openly and honestly. So yes, your tone always matters, even when it is quiet. Every time you choose honesty over sarcasm and softness over suppressed anger, you reclaim the prophetic model of gentleness. In doing so, you teach your child that respect is not just about controlling your volume; it is about emotional integrity, a state where your words and your heart are aligned, and where love never has to hide behind tension.