We argued so loudly once that our child covered their ears and cried. That memory haunts me. How do I heal that damage? 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, moments like these can certainly leave a mark, but they do not have to define your child’s emotional landscape forever. When a child cries during a loud argument, their fear stems from more than just the noise. It comes from the terrifying sense that the very people who are meant to protect them and regulate the home have lost control. In a child’s mind, in that moment, love and safety feel as if they are slipping away. The hopeful truth, however, is that children are incredibly resilient, provided that repair follows the rupture. The memory of the event may linger, but so too can the healing, as long as it is intentional and consistent. 

You can begin the healing process by gently acknowledging what happened, without burdening your child with excessive detail. You might say, “I remember that day was very loud, and I know it made you sad. I am so sorry that we scared you.” This should be followed with reassurance: “We are working very hard on being calmer and safer when we talk about difficult things.” It is vital for children to hear that what happened was not their fault and that their feelings about it are valid. After this, your actions must align with your words. By modelling calmer disagreements, quicker recovery times, and verbal accountability, you will slowly teach your child to associate tension with resolution, not abandonment. If the memory resurfaces for them, do not panic. Simply remain consistent in your compassionate presence. Repair is not a single event; it is the slow and steady stitching back together of trust. 

What Your Child Needs to Hear and See 

• That their distress was seen and not ignored. 

• That adults can own their mistakes and grow from them. 

• That a loud argument does not mean that love has been lost. 

• That the family is actively working towards becoming an emotionally safer space. 

Spiritual Insight 

In the Islamic tradition, children are considered an Amanah, a sacred trust placed in our care. When our actions, even if unintentional, wound them, it becomes our solemn duty to restore the sense of safety that we momentarily shattered. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), Verses 72: 

‘Indeed, We (Allah Almighty) presented (other species) within the layers of trans-universal existence and the Earth and the mountains to be entrusted (with discretion in their actions); so they refused to bear (the weight of that discretion); and feared (the consequences) from (making the wrong choices); but mankind chose to bear (the burden of such discretion); indeed, (as it turned out some of mankind) became unjust and ignorant (in making those choices). ‘

This powerful verse emphasises the immense gravity of the Amanah, highlighting that human beings, despite their inherent weaknesses, are obligated to uphold this sacred trust. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 7138, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of you is answerable with regard to his flock. ‘

This prophetic teaching is not merely about material provision; it is fundamentally about emotional and spiritual care. If our actions cause a fracture in our child’s heart, the appropriate response is not shame, but a deep sense of responsibility. This responsibility calls for the quiet, brave work of rebuilding a home where they can once again breathe freely.