Separating Grief for Your Old Self from Love for Your New Role 

Parenting Perspective 

It is deeply human to grieve what has been lost, even when that loss came with something beautiful. Grief and love can exist in the same breath. Wanting your old life back at times does not mean you love your child any less. It means you are being honest with your journey. 

Many parents, especially mothers, are made to believe that once a child enters their life, they should be wholly fulfilled by caregiving alone. But the self that existed before your child, your passions, your pace, your quiet moments, your voice was real and worthy. Missing her is not a betrayal of the present. It is an acknowledgement of what mattered to you. 

Give Grief Space 

The key lies in giving that grief space, without letting it harden into resentment. Let it move through you gently. You might speak it aloud in a safe space, write it out, or find ways to honour the old version of you, even in small ways. Make room for moments where you are not only a parent, but a person. 

Deepen Your Relationship with Who You Are Now 

At the same time, deepen your relationship with who you are now. A parent who has grown, been stretched, softened, and tested. Find glimpses of yourself in this new role too. Let them coexist. The past you and the present you are not enemies; they are part of the same sacred story. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, every stage of your life holds spiritual weight. You are not meant to erase yourself to be worthy. You are meant to carry yourself with sincerity in every role, while remaining anchored in your identity as a soul created by Allah. 

A Reminder to Remain Rooted 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hajj (22), verse 11: 

‘And from mankind there are those that just about (i.e. borderline) worship Allah (Almighty); and if they come about any goodness, they are content with it; and if they are afflicted with any tribulation, they turn their faces (in the direction of the darkness of ignorance and immorality)…’ 

This Verse warns against conditional connection to our roles and realities. It invites you to remain rooted, even when parts of life feel lost or unfamiliar. 

The Prophetic Model: The Pursuit of Ihsan (Excellence) 

It is recorded in Jami at-Tirmidhi that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Indeed, Allah has prescribed Ihsan (excellence) in everything. ‘

[Jami at-Tirmidhi, 16:25] 

This hadith reminds us that beauty and presence can be brought into every part of life, even transitions, even identity shifts. You are not failing by grieving. You are being asked to carry that grief with gentleness, while finding Ihsan in your role as a parent. 

By allowing yourself to hold love and grief without confusing one for the other, you model for your child a faith that makes space for real human emotion, and a parenthood that does not require self-abandonment.