My spouse gives instructions or feedback while doing nothing themselves. Our child is picking up on this power dynamic. How do I challenge it gently but clearly? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children are excellent observers but poor interpreters. When children observe one parent constantly directing or condemning while remaining passive, and the other completing the work in quiet, they begin to associate authority with detachment and contribution with subservience. Without correction, this establishes a negative precedent: that leadership entails instructing others what to do rather than stepping in with empathy and action. 

Challenging this dynamic requires clarity rather than conflict. In the moment, calmly invite your spouse into the task rather than reacting defensively: “Would you like to help us do it together?” or “Could you show us how you would like it done?” This communicates to your child that power should be accompanied by participation, not control. Afterward, say it privately: “I know you mean well, but when you only give directions without engaging, our child is learning that one parent works and the other judges, and I do not want them to see partnership that way.” Keep your tone factual rather than emotive. Your goal is not to ‘win’ the dynamic, but to modify it with dignity from all sides. When children witness fairness demonstrated gently but strongly, they learn to advocate respectfully, engage completely, and lead with humility. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic leadership is based on service, not command. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ demonstrated leadership via his actions. He reprimanded with compassion, guided with presence, and supported others through humility and action. His leadership was never from a distance; it was always from the trenches, side by side. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Saff (61), Verses 2–3: 

‘O you who are believers, why do you say (to others) that which you do not do (yourself). It is highly detested by Allah (Almighty) that you say (to others) that which you do not do (yourself).’ 

This is more than just a warning; it is a call to integrity. Children are shaped by what they see, not what they hear. It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6395, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all matters. 

The remedy to power imbalance is not counter-power, but a gentle course correction that teaches via example. When one parent is active while the other just directs, the imbalance is not limited to tasks; it also affects the emotional tone of the home. Shifting it with grace is not a confrontation. It is Tarbiyyah, and your child’s sense of fairness will thank you for it.