My spouse avoids eye contact or gentle interaction unless it is functional. How can I raise this concern without making it about romance, but about our child’s emotional learning? 

Parenting Perspective 

The Unintended Lesson of Emotional Distance 

When one partner’s body language becomes emotionally distant, such as avoiding eye contact, quiet tone, or any engagement other than functional tasks, it may not always be due to intentional coldness. It could be exhaustion, habit, or emotional disengagement that has quietly crept in. However, the influence on a child who witnesses this interaction might be considerable. Children learn not only from what they are taught, but also from what they witness firsthand. Emotional connection is not exclusive to romance. It is essential to relationship wellness. And in a child’s world, how their parents look at each other, reply to one other, or talk in passing creates their first pattern of emotional intimacy and respect. When a child observes one parent being neglected or interacts with only logistically, they may internalise a model of detachment in which affection is optional and connection is missing. 

A Strategy for a Gentle Conversation 

To address this problem without focussing on romantic disappointment, reframe it as a shared parental responsibility. Approach your partner gently and calmly, speaking from a place of mutual care. For example: “I recognise that life can be overwhelming, and I understand that you are not doing so on purpose. But I have observed that our child is watching how we interact, and I am concerned that the calm tone between us will impact how they understand relationships. I want our child to grow up seeing mutual respect, gentleness, and even eye contact. Not for me, for them.” This method eliminates blame and promotes teamwork. It becomes about creating an emotional legacy for your child, rather than condemning the marriage. When framed this way, your partner may feel less constrained and more willing to make modest changes, even if they are not normally outspoken. Remember that the goal is not perfection. It is presence. A single moment of eye contact, a gentle word, or a shared grin in front of your child can all serve as powerful emotional clues that love is present and evident in the house. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, every human relationship is important, especially inside the family. Even the most basic manner of communication reveals a person’s level of concern for their connections. Avoidance, alienation, or coldness are not prophetic standards for how to relate to one’s marriage, especially in front of children. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 19: 

‘… and cohabit with them with the positivity (of kindness), for if you dislike them, then perhaps it may be that in your (tolerance to the) dislike of something, may cause for you (to receive) something even better from Allah (Almighty).’ 

This verse extends beyond mere coexistence. It requires an active posture of ihsan (excellence) comprising tone, presence, and manner even when emotions change or circumstances are difficult. It is also recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are those who are best to your wives. ‘

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ personality was distinguished not only by spectacular gestures, but also by attentiveness, tenderness, and emotional availability, particularly in the way he communicated and behaved at home. Raising this concern is not about expecting emotional performance. It is about restoring prophetic manners to the emotional culture of the family, so that the next generation understands that respect, connection, and kindness are not options. They are part of the Deen.