My child says, ‘Daddy never listens to me.’ How do I help their father change this without defensiveness?

Parenting Perspective

When a child feels unheard by their father, it can deeply affect their self-worth and willingness to be open. Addressing this with your husband requires a gentle, coaching approach that avoids blame and encourages connection.

Start a Gentle, Private Conversation

Approach your husband in a private, calm moment. Instead of presenting it as an accusation, frame it as a neutral observation. You could say, ‘I heard our daughter say she feels you do not listen to her sometimes. I wonder what we can do to help her feel more comfortable sharing things with you?’ This opens the door for a collaborative discussion, not a confrontation.

Coach the Skill of Active Listening

Gently suggest small, practical techniques he can practise. Encourage him to ask a question and then deliberately pause to allow for a full answer without interruption. Introduce the idea of reflective listening, where he repeats back what he heard (e.g., ‘It sounds like you felt really upset in class today’). This simple act makes a child feel truly heard and validated.

Encourage Small, Consistent Efforts

Suggest creating a small, daily ritual of connection, like a brief, device-free chat before bedtime where his only job is to listen. Acknowledge and praise his efforts, no matter how small: ‘It was so lovely seeing you listen to her story tonight; she really lit up’. Positive reinforcement is far more effective than criticism.

Over time, these small, consistent efforts can build powerful emotional bridges, transforming a father’s presence from passive to fully engaged.

Spiritual Insight

Islam places immense value on presence, patience, and compassionate listening, which are the cornerstones of a strong parent-child relationship.

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfal (8), Verse 46:

‘‘And obey Allah Almighty and His Messenger, and do not dispute and [thus] lose courage and [then] your strength would depart; and be patient. Indeed, Allah Almighty is with the patient…’‘

This verse reminds us that discord and dispute weaken a family’s strength. A child who feels unheard is experiencing a form of discord. A father who practises the difficult art of patient listening is not just being a good dad; he is actively strengthening the family unit and aligning himself with the patient, whom Allah is with.

The act of listening is a profound form of help and service to another.

It is recorded in Jami at-Tirmidhi, 1930, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said:

‘‘Allah Almighty is engaged in helping the worshipper as long as the worshipper is engaged in helping his brother.’‘

This beautiful hadith reframes the act of listening. When a father gives his child his full, undivided attention, he is “helping his brother” in faith and family. In doing so, he is not only earning the love and trust of his child but is also earning the direct help and support of Allah.