My child follows rules at school but not at home. How do I build that same respect and structure here?

Parenting Perspective 

It can be a common source of frustration for parents when their child is well-behaved at school but seems to disregard rules and structure at home. This difference in behaviour, however, does not mean your child is incapable of following rules; in fact, it proves the opposite. They are perfectly capable of being respectful and managing their impulses. The key difference is that schools operate on clear, consistent systems, whereas homes often rely on inconsistent enforcement and emotional reactions. 

Learning from the School Environment 

Schools are effective because they use predictable routines, clear expectations, and logical consequences. Teachers rarely engage in lengthy negotiations or emotional power struggles. Parents can bring that same effectiveness into the home, not by being cold or institutional, but by establishing their own clear, fair, and calmly enforced boundaries. 

Implementing Calm and Predictable Structures 

Start by creating simple, visible routines for the times of day that cause the most conflict, such as mornings, mealtimes, or bedtime. For younger children, pictures or checklists can be very helpful. Next, establish a few core household rules and the specific consequences for breaking them. When a rule is broken, respond like a teacher would: calmly, firmly, and without a long lecture. ‘That is the rule. You have chosen to break it, so this is the consequence’. Let the structure do the talking, not your anger or frustration. 

It is also effective to praise the process, not just the outcome. Notice and acknowledge effort and self-regulation: ‘You followed the morning routine today without any reminders. That shows you are becoming very responsible’. This builds internal motivation, which is more powerful than simple compliance. 

Balancing Boundaries with Emotional Safety 

Finally, it is important to remember that home is the place where children feel safe enough to release the emotions they have held in all day at school. Your role is to be patient with these feelings but not permissive with the behaviour. A loving home can and should have clear boundaries. When children feel secure in their parents’ consistent and calm guidance, they learn to bring the same respect they show at school into their home. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches the principles of justice (‘Adl) and balance (Qist), especially within the family. We are expected to cultivate accountability and structure in the home, just as it is expected in public life. The home should not be a place where Islamic manners and discipline are relaxed. 

The Duty to Protect and Guide 

This verse commands parents to lead their families with a sense of protective duty. This protection comes not from fear, but from providing a stable structure and upholding moral clarity. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tahrim (66), Verse 6: 

‘O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones. ‘

Leadership with Ease, Not Hardship 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was the most effective of all teachers because he combined firm, clear guidance with a gentle and encouraging approach. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 69, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Facilitate things to people (concerning religious matters), and do not make it hard for them.‘

By establishing predictable routines and enforcing rules with quiet consistency, just as a good school does, you are reflecting this prophetic balance of authority and compassion. Over time, your child will come to see home not as a place to escape responsibility, but as the primary place to practise it with dignity and love.