How to Keep Envy from Turning into Resentment 

Parenting Perspective 

Yes, it is normal to feel envy when you see your child enjoying a freedom you never had. When your child gets to live what you were denied, it can stir something sharp and complicated in your heart. That feeling of envy is not a moral failure. It is a sign that your inner child is still present, still holding unmet longings. Seeing your child experience what you may not feel like watching someone else get picked for a life you were excluded from. 

This does not make you a bad parent. What matters is what you do next. 

Envy vs. Resentment 

Begin by naming the feeling privately. Say to yourself that this is envy, not resentment. That distinction matters: envy notices the gap. Resentment punishes others for it. When you can sit with envy without shame, it loses its power to become something darker. 

Your Child’s Freedom is Proof of Your Growth 

Then, remember that your child’s freedom is not proof of your deprivation; it is proof of your growth. You chose to give them what you never had. That is legacy, not loss. A parent who resents their child’s ease was likely denied tenderness themselves. But a parent who pauses, reflects, and protects that joy instead, that parent breaks the cycle. 

Stay Emotionally Engaged 

To prevent envy from turning into coldness or withdrawal, stay emotionally engaged. Express joy, even if it feels effortful at first. Be present during the freedom they enjoy. Say aloud what you are proud of. This rewrites the script in real time. You are not just raising a child. You are re-raising the part of yourself that never got to feel safe in that freedom. 

Spiritual Insight 

It can be spiritually disorienting to feel envy in parenting, especially when the instinct is to celebrate your child’s happiness. But Islamically, emotions are not forbidden. They are to be understood and elevated. The aim is not to erase difficult feelings but to ensure they do not shape your actions in harmful ways. 

Envy is one such feeling. It is a natural human experience, but one that can harm relationships if left unchecked. This is why we are taught not simply to deny its presence, but to seek refuge and respond with intention. 

A Reminder to Seek Refuge 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Falaq (113), verses 1–5: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ), “I seek sanctuary with the Sustainer of the Dawn.… (Refuge from) the wickedness of the envious when they are jealous”.’ 

This is a direct acknowledgement that envy exists, but that we can protect ourselves, and others, from its destructive potential by turning to Allah and guarding our inner state. 

The Prophetic Model: Emotional Accountability 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not envy one another; do not inflate prices against one another; do not hate one another; do not turn away from one another; and do not undercut one another in trade but be servants of Allah and brothers.‘

[Sahih Muslim, 35] 

This hadith teaches restraint, but also emotional accountability. The instruction to avoid envy is not just social, it is spiritual. It invites a parent to stay soft-hearted, to hold space for joy, and to treat their child’s ease as a sign of divine mercy, not personal loss. By learning to notice envy without letting it take root, a parent begins to offer both themselves and their child something deeper than comfort: they offer emotional integrity and in that, there is Barakah.