How to Handle Pressure When You Want to Be a More Involved Father 

Parenting Perspective 

It takes courage to recognise that the way you want to father may not align with family expectations. Many fathers feel the tension of wanting to be more hands-on with their children yet face cultural assumptions that childcare and emotional care belong primarily to mothers. The first step is to remind yourself that involvement at home is not a weakness or an overstep. It is a deliberate act of fatherhood that strengthens your bond with your children. 

You can begin by setting small, consistent routines of presence with your children. This might include bedtime reading, helping with homework, or sharing in playtime. These acts send a clear message to your child that you are available, while avoiding unnecessary confrontation with extended family. Over time, consistency will speak louder than explanation. Want to be a more involved father but face pressure from your extended family? Learn how to handle that pressure without stepping back with our expert advice. 

Respond with Calm Assurance 

When family members make comments, you may not need to justify yourself defensively. Instead, you can respond with calm assurance: ‘I enjoy spending this time with my children’ or ‘This is important to me as a father.’ By framing your involvement as a natural expression of love and responsibility, you show confidence rather than conflict. 

It is also important to stay aligned with your wife, so that your shared approach feels united. Even if external voices suggest a different model, what matters most is that both of you agree on the value of your presence. This unity will give your children a sense of security and protect your home from external pressures. 

By anchoring yourself in steady action rather than cultural opinion, you give your child the benefit of your presence and model to them what healthy Muslim fatherhood looks like in practice. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ahzaab (33), verse 21: 

‘Indeed, there is for you (O mankind) in (the personality of) the Messenger of Allah (Almighty) (Prophet Muhammad ﷺ), an outstanding example of incredible benevolence; it is for those people that have hope in Allah (Almighty) and the Day of Judgement, and (desire) to remember Allah (Almighty) excessively.’ 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ was deeply involved in his family life.  

It is recorded in Sahih al-Bukhari that when asked how he was at home, his wife Aisha رضي الله عنها said:  

‘He used to serve his family, and when it was time for prayer, he would go out to pray.’ 

[Sahih al-Bukhari,10:70] 

This hadith shows that the holy Prophet ﷺ did not view domestic life as beneath him. Rather, he embraced his role in supporting and nurturing his family. 

By following this prophetic example, you can feel assured that your presence in the home is not only acceptable but a form of Sunnah. Choosing involvement over distance is an act of mercy, and mercy is at the heart of prophetic fatherhood. 

When extended family expectations weigh on you, remember that Islam elevates fathers who serve, guide, and connect with their children. Your sincerity and consistency will leave a legacy that your children remember far more than cultural commentary. 

Want to be a more involved father but face pressure from your extended family? Learn how to handle that pressure without stepping back with our expert advice.