How to Build a Bond When Your Child Prefers Their Mother 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be painful to witness your child instinctively turn to someone else for comfort, even when you are present and trying your best. Many fathers feel this pain, that they have a longing to be closer without knowing how to step in without seeming like they are stepping over. 

The first step is to remember: emotional preference is not a rejection. A child’s attachment to their mother is often rooted in patterns of early care and familiarity, not in a fixed emotional hierarchy. Instead of competing for space, focus on building your own bridge, one that feels uniquely yours. Try to develop a connection with the child which is associated with you only and becomes a part of your identity in their life.  

Build Your Own Bridge 

Begin with consistency. Emotional trust is not built through one-off heart-to-hearts, but through the steady, everyday signals that say, ‘I see you; I like being near you, and I care about how you feel.’ Ask small, low-pressure questions. Show interest in their stories, their silences, their rhythms. Be patient with pauses, even if they do not open up right away. 

Be Emotionally Available 

You do not need to be more expressive than you are comfortable with, but you do need to be available, not just physically, but with your full attention. Eye contact, a warm tone, and genuine curiosity all communicate care, even in short exchanges. These gestures and behavioral changes matter a lot for the child and they observe that you matter to them.  

Avoid Comparison Language 

Avoid comparison language at home where you compare yourself to their mother. Statements like ‘Why do you always go to your mum?’ or ‘I am here too, you know’ may come from pain, but they subtly put pressure on the child to choose. Instead, make emotional safety your goal, not emotional competition. Your child does not need to love you more than anyone else, they need to feel that your love is a steady shelter they can return to. 

Small rituals can help, especially when they are consistent. A short bedtime Dua, a walk after Maghrib, sharing a snack while listening to a story, these simple acts make emotional space without demanding it. The bond you build will not mirror the one your child has with their mother, it is not supposed to. It is meant to be its own kind of closeness: steady, warm, and quietly dependable. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Maryam (19), verses 12–14: 

‘(Allah Almighty) said (to the son when he was born): “O Yahya, grasp the (Divine messages contained) in the Book, with absolute certainty”; and We (Allah Almighty) bestowed upon him (the power of) wisdom, even when he was a child, And from Our (Allah Almighty) special grace, the gift of compassion and purity; and he attained piety, and discharged his responsibility to parents, and he was never a disobedient tyrant”.’ 

This verse highlights not only the piety of a child, but the tenderness and duty that grow in the soil of nurtured connection. The spiritual stature of Yahya (peace be upon him) included emotional attunement and devotion to his parents, which points to the kind of environment they must have created for that to flourish. 

The Prophetic Model: Mercy is an Active Part of Connection 

It is recorded in Jami al-Tirmidhi that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not of us who does not have mercy on our young and respect for our elders… ‘

[Jami al Tirmidhi,27:27] 

Mercy is an active part of emotional connection. It is expressed not through control or correction, but through closeness, compassion, and quiet presence. 

As a father, your bond grows not through competition, but through mercy that is felt, in tone, in timing, and in trust. That connection, once formed, becomes its own sacred thread. Keep showing up, gently and genuinely. Your presence matters more than you realise.