How to Avoid Repeating Emotional Silence with Your Child 

Parenting Perspective 

It takes immense awareness to ask this question. Many parents raised in emotionally dismissive homes carry a silent weight where they never learnt how to name, hold, or validate emotions in themselves, let alone in their children. Choosing to break that pattern does not mean you disconnect from the past; it helps to create mercy in the future. 

Small, Steady Moments of Presence 

To begin, remember that emotional connection is not a performance. It starts with small, steady moments of presence. When your child feels upset, try not to rush to correct or quiet them. Instead, offer eye contact, a calm voice, and a simple reflection: ‘That sounds really hard.’ Naming what they feel, even when you do not fully understand it, teaches them that their inner world matters. 

Give Space to Your Own Discomfort 

Equally, give space to your own discomfort. You may feel irritated, frozen, or overwhelmed when your child expresses sadness or anger. This is not a flaw in you. It is a signal from your nervous system, shaped by your history. The goal is not to feel nothing, but to notice and gently choose differently. You might say to yourself, ‘This is hard for me, but I can stay.’ That pause is where patterns begin to shift. 

Emotionally Safe, Not Perfect 

Children thrive in emotionally safe environments, not perfect ones. Even if you were not raised with emotional safety, you can learn to cultivate it through compassion, consistency, and repair. If you lose your temper, come back with softness. If you miss a cue, return with curiosity. These moments of re-connection are where trust is built. 

Spiritual Insight 

The tradition of Islam does not turn away from emotional pain. It recognises the full range of human feeling and honours it with presence and prayer. 

A Reminder That Grief Can Exist Within Deep Faith 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Yusuf (12), verses 86: 

‘(Prophet Yaqoob (AS)) replied: “I am only complaining to Allah (Almighty) of my anguish and heartache; and I have been made aware from Allah (Almighty) of matters that you do not know”.’ 

This is Prophet Yaqub (peace be upon him) speaking, weeping over the loss of his son. He neither hid his sadness nor shamed it. He named it and turned to Allah with it, showing that grief, when expressed with sincerity, can exist within deep faith. 

The Prophetic Model: Living a Mercy That Heals 

It is recorded in Sunan Abi Dawud that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Mercy is taken away only from him who is miserable.‘

[Sunan Abi Dawud, 43:170] 

Mercy begins with how we respond to pain, ours and our children’s. By meeting emotion with compassion instead of fear, you are not just parenting differently. You are living a mercy that heals backwards and forwards. That silence you grew up with no longer has to be the language of your home.