How to Align Your Behaviour When Your Child Mimics You 

Parenting Perspective 

There is a discomfort in watching your own habits reflected back through your child. Their words, tone, or gestures can feel like a mirror, sometimes tender, sometimes jarring. It can awaken guilt, but more importantly, it invites reflection. 

Instead of viewing this as a flaw in your parenting, treat it as a prompt from Allah. It is not about being perfect, but about being real and willing to grow. Your child is not only learning what you say, but how you are , how you handle mistakes, how you repair, and how you return. 

Begin with One Behaviour 

Begin with one behaviour you know which needs to get changed. Choose a language that reflects dignity. Pause before reacting in anger. Let your child witness you trying and doing effort for a better change. That visibility is more powerful than success itself. Children need to see their parent as a person who returns, who reflects, admits, and adjusts. The change visible to them is the one from which they learn and shape themselves rather than the speech given to them.  

Share the Process 

You can even share the process with them: ‘I am trying to speak more kindly today because that is what Allah loves.’ This anchors your transformation in faith, not fear. It also signals to your child that change is normal, growth is encouraged, and accountability is not something to be ashamed of. 

Most of all, give yourself permission to grow gradually. Small consistent steps have lasting impact, and your child is watching not just for perfection, but for sincerity. 

Spiritual Insight 

There is no clearer accountability in Islam than the reminder that we are all shepherds, leaders responsible for our flock. We all have to be careful about what our offsprings learn and the teachings provided to them must be efficient and effective as we are leading them and what we make them learn, we would be responsible for it.  

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every one of you is a shepherd and every one of you is responsible for his flock.’ 

[Al Adab Al Mufrad,9:51] 

This hadith frames parenting not as control, but as a supervision. A shepherd is gentle, observant, and mindful of their own pace to guide those who follow. It also reminds us that the way we live is often more influential than the rules we impose. The behaviors and practices which we follow are observed by children and followed by them.  

A Call to Integrity 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Saff (61), verses 2–3: 

‘O you who are believers, why do you say (to others) that) which you do not do (yourself)? It is highly detested by Allah (Almighty) that you say (to others) that which you do not do (yourself).’ 

This is not a condemnation of imperfection; it is a call to integrity. Children detect inconsistency deeply, but they are also quick to forgive when they see a parent striving honestly. 

Aligning your behaviour with the faith you want to teach is not about becoming flawless. It is about being committed, conscious, and open to returning. That return, made daily and humbly, is what forms a child’s image of sincere Islam.