Parenting Perspective 

Sharing stories from your own childhood can be a powerful way to connect with your children. It helps them to see you as a more complete person and gives them an insight into the values that have shaped you. However, when these stories are presented as commands, beginning with a phrase like, ‘In my day, we always…’, a child may feel pressured and simply tune out. The key is to share your stories as reflections, not as prescriptions. Instead of setting up your own childhood as the unquestionable standard, you can frame it as a glimpse into the past, offering lessons that your child can adapt for their own life today. 

Share Your Stories as Memories, Not Mandates 

You can use phrases like, ‘When I was your age, this is how my family used to do things…’ followed by a reflection such as, ‘It certainly taught me discipline, although I think we can find a way to learn that lesson differently now.’ This approach honours your own experience without making your child feel bound by it. 

Invite Curiosity and Conversation 

After you have shared a memory, you can ask your child, ‘What do you think would work best for you?’ or, ‘How does that way of doing things feel to you?’ This helps to turn what could be a lecture into a warm and engaging conversation. 

Highlight the Values, Not Just the Practices 

If you had to walk a long way to school every day as a child, you can present this not as a demand for them to do the same, but as an insight into a value. You could say, ‘That routine really taught me the importance of resilience, and I would love for you to find your own ways of building that same strength.’ 

By speaking in this way, you can show that your childhood experiences are a source of wisdom to be learned from, not a set of rigid laws to be followed. This helps to build trust, and your children will learn to value your voice without feeling trapped by your past. 

Spiritual Insight 

Wisdom Through Gentle Storytelling 

Islam encourages us to share wisdom through the art of storytelling, while at the same time maintaining a sense of humility and gentleness. Your stories should be a way of planting seeds of understanding in your child’s heart, not a way of forcing rigid patterns upon them. 

The Command to Guide with Wisdom 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 125: 

‘Invite (people) to (follow) the (prescribed) pathways of your Sustainer with wisdom, and polite enlightened direction, and only argue with them in the politest manner…’ 

This verse reminds us that all of our guidance, including the lessons we share from our own lives, should be offered with wisdom and kindness, not as rigid and unthinking demands. 

The Wisdom in Sharing a Single Lesson 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 3461, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Convey from me, even if it is one verse.’ 

This teaches us that sharing lessons, even very small ones, is a valuable act, but it is one that must be conveyed in a spirit of wisdom and deep humility. 

When you are able to share your childhood as a story of your own growth, rather than as a rulebook for your child to follow, you are embodying the spirit of this prophetic guidance. Your children will then come to see their faith and their family’s values as living, adaptable principles that are intended to nurture their hearts, rather than to confine them. This will give them a sense of security and will motivate them to build upon your lessons with love and respect.