Parenting Perspective 

Small disagreements about parenting, whether they are over bedtimes, homework routines, or methods of discipline, can quickly spiral into power struggles if they are not handled with care. Often, it is not the issue itself that creates tension, but rather the underlying desire to ‘win’ the argument or to prove whose approach is better. When parents become locked in this pattern, their children can sense the division and may be left feeling unsettled, or may even learn how to exploit it. The goal is to prevent these small issues from escalating by consciously focusing on cooperation, rather than on competition. 

Recognise Your Trigger Points 

Try to notice the moment when a discussion begins to shift away from simple problem-solving and into a defence of one’s pride. A quick internal self-check, such as asking yourself, ‘Am I trying to resolve this for our child, or am I just trying to win?’, can help you to step back before a conflict grows. 

Prioritise Your Child Over the Argument 

In a heated moment, you can try to remind yourselves, ‘Our child’s stability is more important than either of us being right in this moment.’ By consciously putting your child’s needs first, you can help to soften the urge to be in control. 

Use Gentle, Defusing Phrases 

Instead of using sharp or defensive responses, you can practise using phrases that are designed to gently defuse the situation. 

• ‘Let us not try to decide this right now; we can come back to it later when we are both feeling calmer.’ 

• ‘I can hear your point of view. Can we try to find a middle way that works for us both?’ 

This simple shift in language can help to move the conversation away from competition and towards collaboration. 

Agree to Discuss Disagreements in Private 

It is important to keep your disagreements away from your child’s presence as much as possible. If an issue does arise in front of them, try to present a united front in the moment and agree to continue the discussion in private later on. This prevents the tension from becoming a performance for your child. 

Focus on Shared Principles, Not on Winning Battles 

When you are both able to agree on a set of clear, shared values, such as respect, kindness, and honesty, the small differences in your methods will begin to lose their power. You may not always agree on how to do something, but you can remain united on why you are doing it. 

When parents are able to step away from power struggles and instead focus on their shared goals, the atmosphere of the home will become much calmer. Your child will learn that disagreements can be solved respectfully, and that the unity of their parents matters more than anyone’s pride. 

Spiritual Insight 

Humility and Consultation Over Pride 

Islam teaches us to avoid pride and stubbornness in all of our relationships, and this is especially true within the family. Power struggles are often fuelled by the ego, whereas the qualities of humility and consultation are what bring peace into a home. 

The Command to Make Peace and Avoid Division 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.’ 

This verse reminds us that unity is the foundation of a merciful home, and that the act of making peace is always more important than ‘winning’ an argument. 

True Strength Lies in Self-Control 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong one is not the one who defeats others in wrestling, but the strong one is the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

This hadith teaches us that real strength is demonstrated not in overpowering another person, but in our own restraint and humility. By practising self-control, choosing respectful words, and focusing on your child’s well-being rather than on your own pride, you can stop small disagreements from turning into damaging battles. Your child will then grow up learning that true strength lies in patience and unity, not in competition. This is a lesson that will enrich both their emotional and their spiritual world.