Parenting Perspective 

Hearing the same complaint, ‘I cannot find my shoes,’ especially when you are already running late, can be maddening. It is perfectly natural to feel the urge to snap, particularly when it is the third consecutive day. However, every recurring problem is also a hidden opportunity to teach responsibility in a calmer and more effective manner. 

Shifting from Blame to Problem-Solving 

Instead of reacting with frustration, you can guide your child toward creating a routine that prevents the problem from happening in the first place. By taking this approach, you shift the focus from repetitive scolding to long-term, practical teaching. 

• Designate a specific ‘shoe spot’, such as a basket by the door or a particular shelf in a cupboard. 

• Make it a clear and simple family rule: shoes must always return to the shoe spot immediately after coming home. 

• Practise the routine together. For the first week, physically walk with your child to place the shoes in their spot until it becomes an ingrained habit. 

What to Say in the Heat of the Moment 

When the shoes inevitably go missing again, choose calm, brief words that gently nudge the responsibility for solving the problem back to your child. This approach prevents the situation from escalating and keeps your child engaged in finding a solution. 

• ‘Let us check your shoe spot together first.’ 

• ‘Where do you remember last seeing them? Let us try to retrace your steps.’ 

• ‘I know this feels stressful. Take a deep breath and think: were they in the bedroom or the living room?’ 

• Child: ‘I cannot find my shoes again!’ Parent: ‘That is frustrating. Let us put on our detective eyes. Where should we look first, the bedroom or the hallway?’ 

Rehearsing the Routine Calmly 

Later in the day, when everything is calm, take a moment to sit with your child and reinforce the new system. Reinforce this new habit with positivity. Praise your child whenever they remember, even if it was with a gentle reminder from you. 

• You can say, ‘Mornings feel so much easier for everyone when we know exactly where our shoes live. Let us make sure they always go back to the basket after school today.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

The repetition of a child’s frustrating behaviour is, in essence, a test of a parent’s patience. The moment of the lost shoes is not really about footwear; it is about how we, as parents, model consistency, calmness, and accountability. 

The Virtue of Forbearance 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 126: 

‘And if you have to retaliate (with your enemies) then reciprocating the same manner in which you were attacked with; and if you show patience (and resilience), then surely this is the best (pathway) for those who are extremely patient.‘ 

This verse reminds us that while our frustration might feel justified, choosing patience will always bring a greater reward and a better outcome in the long run. 

Teaching by Example 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah is gentle and loves gentleness in all things.’ 

This hadith teaches us that even in small moments of everyday irritation, choosing a gentle response over an angry one aligns us with a quality that Allah Himself loves. By controlling your temper and working with your child to create a simple routine for their shoes, you are doing more than just organising your home. You are training your child in the essential life skills of responsibility and resilience. Your calmness transforms a recurring frustration into a personal act of patience (sabr), and your child learns that faith is lived not only through prayer but also through the quiet discipline of our daily lives.