Parenting Perspective 

It can be very unsettling when a toddler starts banging on the door just as you and your spouse attempt to connect for a few moments. This behaviour typically stems from separation anxiety and a need for attention, not from a desire to be disruptive. The solution is to teach them gradually that short boundaries are safe, while consistently offering reassurance. 

Prepare Your Toddler in Advance 

Before you begin, let your toddler know what is about to happen in simple, clear terms. You could say, ‘Mum and Dad are going to talk for two minutes, and then we will come right back to you’. By naming the timeframe, you set a clear expectation and build their trust that you will return as promised. 

Redirect Their Focus with a Task 

Redirecting their energy towards a small, engaging task can give them a sense of purpose and make the short wait more manageable. For example, you could ask: 

• ‘Can you build a tall tower with these blocks until we come back?’ 

• ‘Would you like to be our special timer and count while we finish?’ 

Giving them a ‘job’ helps to prevent their focus from turning to your absence. 

Respond Calmly Through the Door 

If the banging starts, it is best to avoid opening the door immediately, as this can teach them that banging is an effective way to end the separation. Instead, use a calm and reassuring voice through the closed door: ‘We can hear you. We will be out in just one minute. Thank you for waiting so well’. This reinforces that the boundary is secure but reassures them that they have not been forgotten. 

Acknowledge and Praise Their Patience 

When you return, make a point of acknowledging their effort, even if it was imperfect. A simple statement like, ‘Thank you so much for waiting, that was a big help’, shows them that their patience is noticed and valued. Over time, your toddler learns that waiting patiently is rewarded with positive attention. 

By consistently repeating this cycle of preparation, redirection, and reassurance, your couple huddle will become a safe and expected part of the day. Your toddler will internalise the valuable lesson that love and connection do not disappear just because a parent steps away for a moment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic teachings encourage a blend of mercy, patience, and balanced boundaries within the family. Even very young children can benefit from gentle training that demonstrates how love and discipline coexist. Protecting a brief couple huddle is not an act of neglect, but an investment in the family’s core foundation. 

The Dua for a Righteous Family 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verse 74: 

‘ And those people that say: “O our Sustainer, Grant to us (those circumstances that make) our spouses and our offspring, a comfort for our eyes; and make us from those that have attained piety, and a role model”.‘ 

This prayer reminds us that spouses and children are meant to be sources of tranquillity. Safeguarding the marital bond through small moments of connection is a vital part of building a righteous and peaceful family. 

The Reward in Caring for Family 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1002, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When a man spends on his family seeking reward from Allah, it is counted as charity for him.’ 

This teaching shows that intentional acts of care for one’s family, which include protecting the couple’s bond to ensure a stable home, are considered acts of worship and a source of immense reward. 

By calmly training your toddler to wait during these brief moments, you are balancing mercy with gentle firmness. This practice protects your marriage, models patience for your child, and strengthens the love that holds your household together.