Parenting Perspective 

Favouritism, whether real or perceived, can deeply affect sibling relationships and create long-lasting emotional scars. Once the perception of favouritism has settled in, it can be difficult to undo, as the feeling of being less valued becomes entrenched in a child’s mind. However, it is possible to restore fairness and rebuild trust with patience, transparency, and consistent action. Correcting this perception requires not just acknowledging the harm but also demonstrating that all children are valued equally. 

Acknowledge the Perception of Favouritism 

The first step is to openly acknowledge the issue. Denying or downplaying it can lead to further resentment. Recognising that one child feels less valued is key to beginning the healing process. 

• What to do: Approach both children and say, ‘I realise that I may have unintentionally made one of you feel more favoured than the other. I am sorry for that, and I want to make things right.’ 

• Why it works: Acknowledging the problem shows humility and demonstrates that you are aware of the impact your actions have had. 

Offer a Sincere Apology and Take Responsibility 

A sincere apology goes a long way in correcting any emotional harm. Apologising for favouritism includes taking responsibility for the actions that led to the perception of inequality. 

• What to do: Offer an apology that takes full responsibility, such as, ‘I am sorry for not being as fair as I should have been. I realise that my actions have hurt both of you, and I will work hard to make sure this does not happen again.’ 

• Why it works: A clear and heartfelt apology makes the children feel that you are not only sorry for the mistake but also genuinely committed to doing better. 

Ensure Fairness in Daily Interactions 

After acknowledging the issue, the next step is to actively demonstrate fairness in your daily interactions. This involves consistently applying the same standards to both children. 

• What to do: Review your parenting practices and make sure you are giving equal attention and opportunities to both children. For instance, ‘I have realised I have been giving more time to helping one of you with schoolwork. From now on, I will make sure I spend time with both of you equally.’ 

• Why it works: Consistency in your actions demonstrates to both children that you are committed to fairness and that the relationship is about equality. 

Celebrate Individual Strengths Without Comparison 

When trying to correct the perception of favouritism, it is essential that you celebrate each child’s individual strengths without comparing them. 

• What to do: Instead of comparing their achievements, try highlighting each child’s individual strengths. For example, ‘I am so proud of how dedicated you both are to your hobbies. You have each worked hard, and I want to celebrate both of you equally.’ 

• Why it works: Celebrating each child’s uniqueness reinforces that they are valued for who they are, not for how they measure up to their sibling. 

Create Shared Experiences to Strengthen Sibling Bonds 

To correct the perception of favouritism, it is important to foster shared experiences between siblings. Encourage activities that promote cooperation rather than competition. 

• What to do: Organise family activities that require cooperation, such as cooking together or going on a family trip. For example, ‘Let us plan an outing where we all go together and enjoy some time as a family.’ 

• Why it works: Shared positive experiences promote teamwork and strengthen sibling bonds, removing the competitive element. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Importance of Peace and Unity 

The noble Quran emphasizes the importance of peace and unity among believers, including within the family. Reconciliation between siblings, after experiencing feelings of favouritism, is part of fostering harmony. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.‘ 

By seeking fairness and unity, parents guide their children toward emotional balance and mutual respect. 

The Command for Fairness and Justice 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ tell us that justice is a fundamental principle in all relationships, particularly in family dynamics. Equal treatment of children is not only an act of fairness but also a reflection of Islamic values. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 1623, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just between your children.’ 

Restoring fairness between siblings involves treating each child with the same love and respect, in line with these teachings. By acknowledging the issue, apologising sincerely, and actively demonstrating fairness, you can correct the perception of favouritism and rebuild trust within the family.