How do I balance praise so it is meaningful and calm? 

Parenting Perspective 

Praise is a powerful parenting tool, but when it is overused or exaggerated, it can lose its meaning or make children dependent on constant approval. On the other hand, too little praise can leave a child feeling unnoticed. The ideal balance is found in offering calm, specific praise that recognises a child’s effort and character, not just their achievements. 

Make Praise Specific and Honest 

Instead of using general statements like, ‘Good job,’ try to focus on what you specifically noticed and appreciated: ‘I really appreciate how you helped your sister with her shoes without being asked.’ This makes the praise feel sincere and believable, and it teaches your child exactly which behaviour you value and wish to see repeated. 

Keep the Tone Warm but Steady 

Praise does not need to be loud or overly dramatic to be effective. A gentle smile, a calm and warm tone of voice, or a soft pat on the back can communicate just as much encouragement as loud cheering. This approach helps your child to value the praise for its meaning, not for its volume. 

Balance Praise With Encouragement 

Alongside your recognition of a good deed, you can encourage your child to continue their positive behaviour. For example: ‘You worked very hard on your homework today. Keep up that great effort tomorrow as well.’ This prevents the praise from feeling like a final endpoint and instead turns it into motivation for future consistency. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages appreciation and gratitude, but always with sincerity and a sense of balance. Just as Allah recognises every good deed, parents can learn to acknowledge their children’s efforts in a way that is meaningful rather than hollow. 

The Value of Every Small Deed 

The Quran reminds us that every act of goodness, no matter how small, is seen and valued by Allah. This teaches us as parents to also notice and appreciate the small, detailed efforts our children make. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zalzalah (99), Verses 7–8: 

‘Thus, everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is good shall be observed by them (on the Day of Judgment). And everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is wicked shall be observed by them (on the Day of Judgment).’ 

Gratitude to People as Gratitude to Allah 

The prophetic tradition teaches that expressing our gratitude to people is an inseparable part of expressing our gratitude to Allah, making sincere appreciation an act of faith. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4811, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever does not thank people has not thanked Allah.’ 

By balancing your praise with calmness and honesty, you are modelling the Islamic values of gratitude and justice. Your child learns that their efforts are noticed and appreciated, but without exaggeration, which helps them to develop both confidence and humility.