Parenting Perspective 

When children are raised in a culture where the topic of dowry is constantly discussed or used as a measure of a family’s respectability, they can internalise the belief that marriage is about material exchange, not love or faith. This can reduce the sacred act of marriage to a mere financial transaction in their minds, shaping unhealthy expectations long before they are old enough to marry. 

Early Exposure to Material Expectations 

Children who are repeatedly exposed to conversations about dowry learn to see marriage through a materialistic lens. They absorb the idea that a person’s or a family’s worth can be measured by the value of the goods exchanged. 

Confusion About the Purpose of Marriage 

This focus on dowry can make children think that status and wealth are the real foundations of a successful marriage. They may wrongly conclude that families with less wealth are less honourable, which distorts the true essence of marriage as a bond built on mercy, trust, and responsibility. 

Creating Emotional Pressure and Fear 

The culture of dowry can create deep-seated anxiety in children. 

• For Daughters: Girls may grow up feeling like a financial burden, worrying if their parents will be able to provide a ‘respectable’ dowry. 

• For Sons: Boys may be raised to expect financial gain from marriage, which can foster arrogance and materialism. 

• For Both: Children may come to view marriage as stressful or burdensome, rather than as a source of peace and blessing. 

The Long-Term Harm to Family and Identity 

A culture of dowry not only affects how children view marriage but also influences how they see themselves. It can create resentment or misplaced pride, weakening their ability to form healthy relationships based on sincerity rather than on money. 

Supporting a Balanced Understanding of Marriage 

Parents can counter these pressures by explaining clearly that dowry is cultural, not Islamic, and that marriage in Islam is based on simplicity and mutual respect. Sharing stories of couples who built strong families through love and shared responsibility helps children to see marriage as a blessing, not a financial test. Modelling simplicity in family discussions and celebrating values over wealth builds a child’s resilience against these harmful cultural expectations. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam establishes marriage as a sacred bond built on mercy and mutual respect, free from the cultural burden of dowry. The pressure to exchange wealth as a precondition for marriage is a cultural practice that has no basis in the faith and contradicts the simplicity that Allah and His Messenger ﷺ taught. 

A Quranic Reminder on the Purpose of Marriage 

The Quran teaches that the true foundations of marriage are spiritual and emotional, designed by Allah to bring peace and comfort to human beings. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verse 21: 

‘And amongst His Signs (of the infinite truth) are that He (Allah Almighty) created for you, your (matrimonial) partners from your species so that you may find tranquillity from them; and designed between you love, tolerance and kindness; indeed, in this there are Signs (of the infinite truth) for the nations that have realisation.‘ 

This verse shows that the core of marriage is love, tranquillity, and mercy, not wealth or material exchange. 

Prophetic Guidance on Simplicity in Marriage 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ advised Muslims to prioritise faith and character above all other considerations when choosing a spouse. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5090, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A woman is married for four reasons: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religion. So marry the religious woman, may your hands be rubbed with dust.’ 

This hadith reminds us that Islam emphasises faith and character in a partner, not their potential dowry or wealth. 

By teaching children that Allah values humility and sincerity over the cultural practice of dowry, parents can help them to develop a pure and healthy understanding of marriage. They will learn that a successful marriage is measured by character, kindness, and piety, not by money. This empowers them to embrace marriage as a sacred bond, free from the weight of harmful cultural pressures.