How do children respond when their achievements are dismissed by relatives? 

Parenting Perspective 

When relatives dismiss or belittle a child’s achievements, the child can be left feeling invisible and unworthy. Recognition from family is vital for building a child’s self-esteem, especially during their early development. If a child proudly shares a drawing, a school result, or another personal success, only to hear it brushed aside as ‘not a big deal,’ they may begin to doubt their own abilities. 

A Loss of Motivation 

Children thrive on encouragement and positive reinforcement. If their sincere efforts are consistently ignored or criticised by their extended family, they may lose interest in striving to do their best altogether. Over time, this can turn into a reluctance to try new things, as they may fear that no one will value their hard work. 

Feelings of Resentment and Hurt 

When a child’s achievements are dismissed, it can lead to a number of negative feelings. 

• The child may feel a sense of resentment towards the relatives who constantly overlook their efforts. 

• They may also internalise the hurt, coming to believe that they are not capable enough to deserve praise. 

The Impact on the Parent-Child Relationship 

If parents do not step in to affirm their child in these moments, the child might begin to assume that their parents agree with the dismissal. This can harm the trust and warmth of the parent-child bond, making the child less likely to share their achievements with their parents in the future. 

Supporting the Child’s Self-Worth 

Parents can help to counter this damage and protect their child’s confidence by: 

• Celebrating their achievements at home, no matter how small they may seem. 

• Using affirming language, such as, “I am so proud of how much effort you put into that.” 

• Reassuring their child that an achievement does not need external approval from others to be valuable. 

By consistently affirming their child, parents can provide the antidote to criticism, helping to rebuild their confidence and cultivate a healthy self-image. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam encourages us to recognise and value the good in others, as this is a practice that fosters love, gratitude, and the motivation for continued goodness. Dismissing the achievements of anyone, especially a child, undermines these values and can cause unnecessary harm. 

Encouragement in the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verses 39: 

‘And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken.’ 

This verse reminds us that a person’s effort matters greatly in the sight of Allah Almighty, even if other people fail to notice or appreciate it. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Practice of Affirmation 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 218, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He has not thanked Allah who has not thanked people.’ 

This Hadith teaches us that the act of acknowledging the efforts of other people is a form of gratitude to Allah Himself. Failing to offer this encouragement is a form of ingratitude. 

When parents affirm their child’s efforts in light of these Islamic values, they are showing them that their true worth comes from striving sincerely to please Allah, not from seeking the approval of other human beings. This reassures the child that their value is not tied to the dismissive words of their relatives, but is instead connected to their own effort, their character, and the pleasure of Allah Almighty.