How can I tell if my child is feeling tension in the home even when we are not openly fighting? 

Parenting Perspective 

Even without open conflict, children are exquisitely attuned to emotional tension. They absorb what is felt, not just what is said. Therefore, if the home is filled with quiet withdrawal, a sense of heaviness, or subtle friction, your child is likely picking up on it, even if they cannot articulate what it is. The signs may be indirect and can include becoming clingier than usual, having trouble falling asleep, playing out anxious scenarios with toys, having sudden emotional outbursts, or acting overly ‘good’ to keep the peace. Children often turn inward or act outward when they sense something is wrong but do not understand why. 

The goal is not to shield them from all stress, for life has its natural ebbs and flows. Instead, the aim is to help them name and process what they feel in a safe way. You can gently say, “You might have noticed things feel a little quiet or serious at home lately. We are working through some things, but you are safe and deeply loved.” When appropriate, involve them in small moments of reconnection, such as reading together, praying as a family, or going for a walk. These rituals help to ground them, especially when the emotional weather feels uncertain. 

Signs Your Child Might Be Feeling Hidden Tension 

• Sudden changes in sleep, appetite, or behaviour. 

• Asking repeated questions about your wellbeing, such as, “Are you okay?” or “Did I do something wrong?” 

• Enacting ‘fixing’ or ‘rescuing’ scenarios during imaginative play. 

• Avoiding eye contact or becoming overly obedient to avoid trouble. 

• Seeming particularly tense during quiet moments between parents. 

These behaviours are not faults in the child; they are reflections of the emotional currents within the home. With awareness, those currents can be gently and lovingly redirected. 

Spiritual Insight 

Emotional climates matter in Islam. Peace in the home is not just about avoiding arguments, but about cultivating mercy, presence, and mutual dignity. Children should not feel responsible for managing adult emotions; they are meant to feel sheltered by them. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Rome (30), Verses 21: 

‘And designed between you love, tolerance and kindness; indeed, in this there are Signs (of the infinite truth) for the nations that have realisation. ‘

This verse reminds us that the presence of love and tranquillity is a divine sign; it is something to be recognised, nurtured, and reflected upon. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1921, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who is not merciful to our young. ‘

Mercy is not just softness in one’s tone. It is the active effort to protect a child’s emotional world, keeping it steady, safe, and undistorted by unresolved issues between adults. 

Let your child witness that even when life feels tense, love is not withdrawn. That is what truly builds their sense of safety: not perfection, but presence.