How can I stop my own anger from escalating my child’s behaviour? 

A Guide to Managing Parental Frustration 

When parents feel frustrated, it can make a child react more strongly. This can create a cycle where both the parent and child become more upset with each other. Children, particularly those younger than 11, are very sensitive to non-verbal signals. When a parent loses control, a child might feel insecure and react with increased opposition or disobedience. 

Parenting Perspective 

Recognising the Signs and Taking a Pause 

A parent can recognise signs of increasing anger, like tense shoulders, fast breathing, or a tight chest, and take a moment to calm down. For instance, taking a deep breath, stepping back to drink some water, or utilising a ‘pause card’ can help calm the situation. 

Modelling Calm Communication 

It is important to reflect your child’s emotions in clear terms: ‘I see that you are feeling upset, and I am attempting to communicate calmly so we can address this together.’ This organised method helps manage emotions and avoids feelings of shame. 

Fostering Mutual Self-Control 

With regular practice of this routine, the child develops healthy self-control, which leads to fewer outbursts and strengthens trust and stability in the relationship. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Command to Adopt Forgiveness 

Allah Almighty instructs in Surah Al Aa’raaf (7) Verse 199: 

‘(O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) adopt a forgiving approach, and encourage (the doing of) positive (moral actions), and disregard those who are imbued in their ignorance. ‘

 This guidance encourages composure over confrontation, especially in family environments. 

The Prophetic Method for Anger 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4728 that the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ advised: 

‘When one of you becomes angry while standing, he should sit down. If the anger leaves him, well and good; otherwise he should lie down. ‘

This physical pause is a powerful tool. Parents may quietly recite: ‘Allahumma inni a’udhu bika min ghadabi nafsi’ (O Allah, I seek refuge from my own anger). This act of Taqwa-infused self-control helps parents guide with Rahmah and fosters a sense of safety for the whole family.