Parenting Perspective 

When offering an apology, particularly to a child, it is important not only to acknowledge the mistake but also to express a clear commitment to change. This shows your child that the apology is sincere and that you are actively working to improve. By naming the specific change you intend to make, you reinforce the idea that mistakes are opportunities for growth and provide a powerful model of responsibility and self-improvement. 

Acknowledge the Mistake and Take Responsibility 

The first step in any meaningful apology is to acknowledge the error and take full responsibility for it. Avoid making excuses, as this can undermine the sincerity of your words. 

You could say: ‘I know I raised my voice, and I should not have done that. It was wrong, and I am sorry.’ 

This straightforward admission sets the foundation for a genuine apology and shows your child that you understand what went wrong. 

Name the Specific Change You Will Make 

After acknowledging the mistake, it is important to name the specific change you will try to implement. This shows your child that you are not just apologising out of obligation but are committed to improving your behaviour. 

You might say: ‘I will work on staying calm and taking a deep breath before I react. I want to make sure I speak to you with more patience and understanding next time.’ 

By specifying the change, you show your child that you are actively working on yourself and are determined to improve your responses. 

Reaffirm Your Care for the Relationship 

End the apology by reaffirming your love and commitment. This helps your child feel secure, knowing that while your action was a mistake, your care for them is unwavering. 

You can say: ‘I love you, and I want to be better for you. I will do my best to handle things more calmly in the future.’ 

This reassurance helps to restore trust and gives your child confidence that your relationship is stronger than the mistake. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, taking responsibility for our actions and making a genuine effort to change is highly valued. A sincere apology, coupled with a commitment to improvement, aligns with the principles of accountability, growth, and repentance. 

Sincere Repentance Includes a Commitment to Change 

The noble Quran reminds us of the importance of seeking forgiveness and committing to change. Seeking forgiveness from Allah Almighty is not just about asking for a pardon but also about making a sincere effort to improve our conduct. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 104: 

‘ …It is Allah (Almighty) Who has the power to accept the repentance of His servants…and indeed, Allah (Almighty) is the One Who is the Greatest Exonerator and the Most Merciful.‘ 

This verse encourages a state of repentance, which naturally includes the intention to act differently in the future. 

The Virtue of Those Who Repent 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ highlight the great virtue of those who not only recognise their faults but actively work to correct them through repentance. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4251, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of those who sin are those who repent.’ 

This hadith reminds us that by naming the change you will work on, you are modelling the process of true repentance. This is a virtuous act in your relationship with your child and a deeply spiritual act in your relationship with Allah.