How can I model calm conversations when feelings get big? 

Parenting Perspective 

Show, Do Not Just Tell 

Children naturally watch how we handle our own feelings, especially when emotions are intense. If they see you shout or shut down when upset, they will likely copy the same patterns. Modelling calm conversations does not mean you must always be perfectly patient, but it does mean showing your child how to pause, breathe, and speak gently, even when feelings are strong. When you feel yourself about to snap, say out loud, ‘I am feeling angry now, so I am taking a deep breath before I speak.’ This small action teaches them that big feelings do not have to lead to harsh words. 

Practise and Apologise 

Choose quiet moments to practise how your family talks through disagreements. Use short, clear sentences. Encourage phrases like, ‘I feel upset when you do that,’ instead of blaming. Show your children how to listen without interrupting. If a conversation gets too heated, model taking a short break to calm down before returning to the discussion. Be honest if you lose your temper. Apologising sincerely shows them that everyone, even grown-ups, makes mistakes and that it is important to repair them. Over time, your steady example helps your children see that feelings are not something to fear or hide, but something to handle with honesty and care. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam guides us to speak with calmness and mercy, especially when emotions run high. Allah Almighty praises those who hold back their anger and use gentle speech to mend hearts. Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 134: 

‘Those (the believers are the ones) that spend (in the way of Allah Almighty) in times of abundance and hardship; they suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent. ‘

By showing your children how to calm themselves and speak kindly, you are living this verse in your daily life. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ stated: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others; the strong man is the one who controls himself when he is angry. ‘

Children need to see that strength is not about shouting louder but about finding calm words when feelings grow big.² You can teach them to make a simple Dua before a difficult conversation, such as, ‘Ya Allah, help me speak with kindness.’ These everyday moments of calm help your family handle emotional storms with respect, patience, and a trust that Allah Almighty knows every word we speak and every feeling we carry. This is how calm conversations become an act of worship and a mercy for your home.