Parenting Perspective 

Measuring progress with older children should focus on their growth and emotional well-being rather than on creating pressure to meet specific expectations. The key is to observe and appreciate their small steps of change while giving them the space to develop at their own pace. Instead of focusing on external markers such as grades, it is more helpful to consider their increasing emotional maturity, improved communication, and responsible decision-making. This approach fosters a sense of accomplishment without overwhelming your child. 

Focus on Small, Positive Changes 

Rather than setting rigid goals, look for small, positive changes in your child’s behaviour, attitude, or actions. These incremental steps are signs of growth, and when they are celebrated, it encourages further development. 

‘I have noticed you have been handling your responsibilities with more maturity lately. I am proud of how you have been approaching things.’ 

This approach reinforces positive behaviour without making your child feel as though they are being constantly measured against an expectation. 

Create Open Conversations About Growth 

Instead of relying on metrics, have open conversations about your child’s personal development. Ask them how they feel about their own growth and what areas they believe they have improved in. This fosters self-reflection and allows them to take ownership of their progress. 

‘I have seen some positive changes in how you are managing your time. How do you feel about the changes you have made so far?’ 

This invites your child to reflect on their own journey, empowering them to assess their progress without the pressure of external standards. 

Offer Encouragement and Positive Reinforcement 

Celebrate the progress your child is making by offering praise and positive reinforcement. Acknowledge their efforts, even in small things, as this builds confidence and motivation. Ensure that your reinforcement is based on effort and improvement, not on perfection. 

‘I really appreciate how you are taking the time to listen and communicate more openly. It is a huge step, and I can see you are working hard.’ 

This focuses on effort and helps your child feel validated in their growth without feeling pressured to perform. 

Respect Their Pace and Space 

Be mindful of not rushing the process. Allow your child the time they need to grow and make progress at their own pace. This shows them that growth is not a race and that they are not being compared to others. 

‘I trust that you are taking steps at your own pace. I am here to support you, and I believe you will keep improving.’ 

This encourages a safe space for growth, free from pressure, and reassures your child that you are not forcing their progress. 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, growth and self-improvement are continuous journeys, and progress should be aligned with the principles of self-reflection and personal development. Fostering patience and supporting the growth process, without applying unnecessary pressure, is a key part of nurturing both the soul and character. 

The Importance of Patience 

The noble Quran highlights the importance of patience and understanding. Just as we must be patient with our own growth, we must show patience in the development of others, including our children. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 43: 

‘ And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.‘ 

This verse is a reminder that progress takes time and determination, both from the individual and from those supporting them. 

True Growth is Internal 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ reflect the importance of self-control and emotional maturity, which are key aspects of personal development. True growth is not about meeting external expectations but about internal progress. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong one is not the one who is strong in wrestling, but the one who controls himself when he is angry.’ 

This hadith shows that supporting your child’s journey of internal growth, without pressure, is in line with this important spiritual principle.