Parenting Perspective 

It is a common instinct for some children to immediately point the finger at someone else when things go wrong. This reaction often stems from a fear of getting into trouble or a lack of confidence, not a desire to be malicious. However, if it becomes a habit, it can erode trust. Your role as a parent is to gently redirect this behaviour and teach the value of accountability. 

Pause and Acknowledge Feelings 

When your child immediately blames someone, take a moment before you correct them. First, acknowledge their feelings by saying, ‘I can see you are frustrated about this.’ This simple step can lower their defences and make them more open to a constructive conversation. 

Guide Them Towards Self-Reflection 

Instead of assigning blame, ask gentle, guiding questions that encourage them to look at their own role. Try asking, ‘Even if someone else was involved, what part was yours?’ or ‘Thinking about it now, what could you have done differently?’ This helps them move beyond blame and towards personal insight. 

Frame Accountability as a Strength 

Help your child reframe how they see accountability. Explain that admitting a mistake is a sign of courage and maturity, not weakness. You could say, ‘Strong people are brave enough to admit when they are wrong so they can learn from it.’ 

Model Personal Responsibility 

Children learn powerfully from what they see. Let them witness you taking ownership of your own mistakes, no matter how small. A simple, ‘I forgot to buy milk; that is my fault,’ shows them that accountability is a normal, healthy part of life for everyone. 

Affirm and Praise Honesty 

Whenever your child chooses to accept responsibility, even partially, praise that specific action. Say, ‘Thank you for being honest about your part in this. I really respect that.’ This positive reinforcement makes taking ownership feel more rewarding than shifting blame. 

Through patient and consistent guidance, you can help your child understand that while blame offers a fleeting sense of protection, honesty is what builds lasting trust and self-respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great importance on personal accountability and justice. To blame others for our own faults is a form of dishonesty, whereas admitting our shortcomings is a mark of humility and sincerity in the eyes of Allah Almighty. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zalzalah (99), Verses 7–8: 

‘Thus, everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is good shall be observed by them (on the Day of Judgment). And everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is wicked shall be observed by them (on the Day of Judgment).’ 

These profound verses remind us that we are all individually accountable for every action, no matter how insignificant it may seem. There is no escaping this personal responsibility. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 1317, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others, but the strong man is the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

This powerful hadith redefines strength. It teaches us that true power lies not in overpowering others or deflecting blame, but in mastering our own reactions and taking responsibility for ourselves. 

By showing your child that true strength is in honesty and self-responsibility, you guide them away from blame-shifting and towards maturity. Over time, they will see that accountability brings both family trust and Allah Almighty’s pleasure.