Parenting Perspective 

Sometimes a rule has been stated and a consequence shared, yet a child still breaks it. It is easy to assume they are being defiant, but what many parents overlook is that children do not connect words with meaning in the same way adults do. What seems like a clear instruction to you may feel vague, forgettable, or even overwhelming to them. If your child repeatedly misses the mark, the question is not, “Why are they not obeying?” but rather, “Did they actually understand?” 

Understanding does not come from simply saying a rule; it comes from testing the connection. Try asking your child questions such as: 

• “Can you tell me the rule in your own words?” 

• “What should you do if this happens again?” 

If your child hesitates, guesses, or repeats your words without showing genuine comprehension, that is a signal to pause and reteach, not to escalate. Use plain language and connect the rule to a tangible reason. For example, instead of saying, “Do not slam the door,” you could say, “We do not slam doors because it hurts ears and hearts.” Concrete, emotionally resonant explanations stay with children much longer than abstract commands. 

Turn Rules into Shared Ownership 

The goal is not obedience under pressure; it is cooperation with understanding. Invite your child to reflect by asking questions like: 

• “What do you think this rule is trying to protect?” 

• “What would make this easier to follow?” 

When children feel that their perspective matters, the rule becomes something they own rather than something you force upon them. For younger children, you can even role-play the rule or create a visual aid. A “house rule poster” with pictures and phrases, made together with your child, helps them see what they are meant to do, not just hear it. 

Another powerful approach is to give your child “the parent role” in a game. For example, you could say, “Let us pretend I forgot the rule. Can you remind me kindly?” This not only checks comprehension but also builds empathy, self-regulation, and a sense of humour all of which make discipline truly stick. 

You are not just teaching a rule; you are teaching your child how to process instructions, think ethically, and act with purpose. That process takes repetition, gentleness, and trust. 

Spiritual Insight 

Understanding Precedes Accountability in Islam 

In Islam, no one is held accountable without proper knowledge. Even obligations like Salah were introduced gradually, with teaching, repetition, and explanation. As parents, we are guides, not merely enforcers, and guidance requires clarity. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Taaha (20), Verse 44: 

‘But speak to him (Pharaoh) in a polite manner, so that he may realise, or be in awe (of what you are relating to him).’ 

If gentle explanation was commanded even for Pharaoh, how much more should we speak with patience to a young child still learning right from wrong? 

The Sunnah of Checking for Understanding 

The holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ never assumed people understood instructions on the first attempt. He repeated teachings three times, used metaphors, asked questions, and allowed people to reflect. His deep presence made his words unforgettable. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2318a, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He who does not show mercy to our young ones and does not acknowledge the rights of our elders is not one of us.’ 

Part of showing mercy to children is ensuring that what we ask of them is truly within their reach, cognitively, emotionally, and spiritually. When you check for understanding before holding your child accountable, you honour the Sunnah, protect their dignity, and lay the groundwork for obedience that comes from insight, not just from fear. 

This is the true goal of Islamic parenting: not blind compliance, but a heart that learns, loves, and lives by what is right.