Parenting Perspective 

It is a natural and valid concern for any parent to see their own weaknesses reflected in their child’s behaviour. Children are keen observers, and they internalise the habits and emotional responses they witness daily. This is a powerful reminder of your influence, but it should be seen as an opportunity for growth, not a source of guilt. Preventing your undesirable habits from becoming their ingrained behaviour depends on three key actions: honest self-awareness, a commitment to active change, and consistent positive guidance. 

Self-Reflection and Acknowledgement 

The journey begins with the courage to look inward and honestly assess the behaviours you do not wish to pass on. 

• Reflect on Your Behaviour: Take time to identify specific areas for improvement. Whether it is a short temper, a habit of speaking harshly, or a tendency towards anxiety, recognising your triggers and patterns is the first step toward changing them. 

• Accept Imperfection: The goal is not to become a flawless parent, as no such person exists. Children need parents who are authentic and willing to model the process of self-improvement. Embracing your own journey of growth is a powerful lesson in itself. 

Take Responsibility and Make Changes 

Once you have identified a weakness, you must take ownership of it and commit to tangible steps for improvement. 

• Apologise and Model Accountability: If your behaviour has negatively affected your child, a sincere apology is essential. This teaches accountability and shows that making amends is a sign of strength. You could say, ‘I know I was impatient earlier, and I am sorry. I am working on staying calm in those moments.’ 

• Set Clear Intentions for Change: Formulate a realistic plan. If you are working on patience, your plan might be to pause and take three deep breaths before responding in a stressful situation. If you are addressing harsh language, you might practise replacing critical comments with constructive ones. 

Model Positive Behaviour Consistently 

Your consistent actions are the most effective tool for teaching new behaviours and overwriting negative patterns. 

• Demonstrate Consistency: Your child will notice your genuine efforts to change. When they see you consistently choosing a calmer response or a kinder word, they learn that positive change is possible through persistent effort. Over time, they will begin to mirror this new, healthier behaviour. 

• Use Positive Reinforcement: When your child exhibits the positive behaviours you are trying to model, acknowledge it with specific praise. For example, ‘I am so proud of how you handled that frustration calmly. That is exactly what we are both working on!’ 

Encourage Open Communication and Growth 

Create a family culture where struggles can be discussed openly and without shame, fostering a team spirit in the pursuit of self-betterment. 

• Encourage Dialogue: If your child comments on your behaviour, welcome it as an opportunity for connection. You might say, ‘I know it is hard for us both when I get impatient. Thank you for being patient with me while I learn.’ 

• Teach Emotional Regulation: Explicitly teach your child the tools they need to manage difficult emotions. Strategies for handling frustration, stress, or anger, such as deep breathing or taking a short break, will empower them for life. 

By taking responsibility for your weaknesses and actively modelling positive change, you not only prevent those traits from becoming your child’s normal but also empower them with the invaluable lesson that personal growth is a lifelong, noble pursuit. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that striving to improve oneself (muhasabah) is a core tenet of faith. By working on our weaknesses, we are not only becoming better parents but are also fulfilling a spiritual duty. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Aa’raaf (7), Verse 31: 

‘…And eat and drink and do not be extravagant (wasteful), as indeed, He (Allah Almighty) does not like extravagance.’ 

This verse reminds us of the importance of balance in all things, including our emotional responses. By working on weaknesses like anger or impatience, we move away from excess and towards the balance that Allah loves, preventing wastefulness in our opportunities for growth. 

The ultimate goal of self-improvement is to become a source of benefit to others, starting with our own family. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 3493, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of people are those who are most beneficial to others.’ 

This profound hadith teaches us that our personal growth has a ripple effect. By refining our own character, we become more beneficial to those around us, especially our children, who are the primary recipients of our behaviour. Striving to overcome our weaknesses is an act of service to our families and a path to becoming one of the “best of people.”