Parenting Perspective 

It is a natural human response to feel your voice rising when emotions are high, especially during a disagreement with a child. However, shouting often derails the conversation, shifting the focus from the issue at hand to the conflict itself, which can make a child defensive rather than reflective. The key is not to suppress your feelings, but to recognise the early warning signs and use strategies to remain calm while still addressing the problem effectively. 

Notice and Pause 

The moment you feel your voice getting louder or your tone becoming harsher, stop speaking, even if it is mid-sentence. Take a slow, deliberate breath, or say calmly, ‘I need a moment. We can continue this in a minute.’ This simple act of pausing demonstrates to your child that it is possible to manage rising emotions and regain self-control. 

Lower Your Voice Intentionally 

Instead of matching your child’s volume or allowing your own to escalate, make a conscious effort to lower your voice. Speaking more softly often has the surprising effect of making a child listen more attentively. It also signals calm authority, rather than an emotional loss of control, which can de-escalate the tension in the room. 

Reframe the Moment 

Shift the dynamic of the conversation from a confrontation to a collaborative effort to find a solution. Instead of using accusatory language like, ‘Why do you never listen?’, try reframing it with, ‘We are not agreeing right now. Let’s talk about what each of us needs to resolve this.’ This changes the tone from one of attack to one of dialogue, reducing the urge to shout. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam strongly encourages believers to master the art of restraining their anger and to always choose words that are intended to spread peace, not to cause hurt. 

Responding to Harshness with Peace 

The Quran defines the true servants of Allah as those who respond to difficult or ignorant speech with words of peace, maintaining their dignity and composure. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Furqaan (25), Verses 63: 

‘ And the true servants of the One Who is Most Beneficent are those who wander around the Earth with humility; and when they are addressed by the ignorant people, they say: “Peace be unto you”.‘ 

The Wisdom of Silence in Anger 

The prophetic tradition offers a powerful and practical tool for managing anger: silence. This pause prevents harmful words from being spoken and allows space for calmness to return. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6116, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent.’ 

By making a conscious effort to lower your voice and regain your composure during a disagreement, you are not only protecting your relationship with your child but also embodying a core Islamic value. You teach them that disagreements are not battles to be won, but opportunities to practise patience, respect, and adab.