Parenting Perspective 

When you suspect your child is not being truthful, a direct accusation often triggers defensiveness and more dishonesty. A far more effective approach is to ask gentle, curious questions that create a safe space for the truth to emerge. This method is not about interrogation; it is about keeping the lines of communication open and showing that you are interested in understanding, not just punishing. 

Use Neutral, Non-Judgemental Language 

Swap accusatory phrases for neutral ones. Instead of ‘Why did you lie about that?’, try a softer opener like, ‘I am a bit confused about what happened. Can you walk me through it again?’ This invites collaboration rather than confrontation. 

Ask Open Questions, Not Leading Ones 

Avoid questions that have a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, as these can feel like a trap. Open-ended questions like, ‘What was that experience like for you?’ or ‘What were you hoping would happen?’ encourage a fuller story and help you understand their perspective. 

Inquire About Their Feelings 

Often, a lie is covering up a difficult emotion like fear or embarrassment. Asking, ‘It sounds like that was a stressful situation. How were you feeling then?’ can help your child connect with their emotions, which often leads to a more honest account of their actions. 

Maintain a Gentle Tone 

Your tone of voice and body language are just as important as your words. Keep your voice calm and your posture open and relaxed. This non-verbal communication signals safety and care, making your child feel secure enough to be vulnerable and truthful. 

By leading with curiosity instead of accusation, you make honesty feel like a safe and natural choice, teaching your child that the truth will be met with understanding, not shame. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Prophetic method of guidance was rooted in wisdom and gentleness. When correcting others or seeking the truth, the approach was never one of harshness or accusation. As parents, we can embody this Sunnah by asking questions that open hearts rather than closing them. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 159: 

‘ So, it is by the mercy from Allah (Almighty) that you (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) are lenient with them; and if you had been harsh (in your speech) or restrained (in your heart), they would have dispersed from around you…’ 

This beautiful verse praises the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ for the very quality we should strive for in our parenting: gentleness. It teaches us that a soft and merciful approach is a gift from Allah that brings people closer, whereas harshness drives them away. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 312, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is friendly and easy to get along with, and there is no good in one who is neither friendly nor easy to get along with.’ 

This hadith highlights that being approachable and easy-going is a fundamental part of a believer’s character. When seeking the truth from our children, this quality allows for an open and honest exchange, free from fear. 

By asking curious, gentle questions, you mirror the prophetic way of guiding with compassion. Over time, your child will see that truthfulness is welcomed with mercy, making them far more likely to embrace it as part of their character.