Understanding Your Child: Frustration vs. Deeper Anger

It is important to recognise the distinction between frustration and more intense anger in order to respond thoughtfully. Frustration usually does not last long and comes from a particular need that is not being met, like not being able to find a solution to a problem or feeling that one is not understood. On the other hand, deeper anger often persists, comes back repeatedly, and may lead to stronger responses. This issue often stems from unresolved emotional experiences, including ongoing feelings of rejection, insecurity, or a deficiency in emotional connection. Young children might show their feelings through crying, throwing fits, or pulling away, whereas older children might act out or become unusually quiet.

Parenting Perspective

Strategies for Observation and Response

To differentiate between the two, look for patterns. Consider whether the response is connected to a particular incident or if it is part of a broader emotional trend. Consider the factors in your child’s surroundings, such as alterations at school, changes in home routines, or interactions with siblings, as these can all affect their emotional state. To address the situation properly, clearly state your observations: ‘It appears that you become upset whenever this occurs. Let us discuss the current situation.’ This encourages thinking instead of feeling embarrassed. Assist your child by providing them with tools to address their frustrations and acknowledging their feelings of anger. Set up regular meetings, particularly during peaceful times, to assist them in developing their emotional vocabulary and to reassure them that they are not alone in handling their feelings.

Spiritual Insight

Emotional Awareness as Self-Purification

Allah Almighty reminds us in the noble Quran, Al Shams (91), Verse 9:

‘Without any doubt success is for the one who developed purity (of the self).‘

This verse highlights the inner work of emotional self-awareness and purification. When children are supported in naming and managing their emotional states, they are given the tools to purify and strengthen their souls. Differentiating between frustration and anger is not simply a behavioural concern; it is a matter of character refinement and spiritual development.

The Prophetic Call to Healing

It is recorded in Shahih Bukhari, Hadith 6116 that the Holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ repeated:

‘…Do not become angry…. Do not become angry.‘

This Hadith serves as a caution and a call to healing. As parents, modelling calm inquiry over reaction teaches children that inner peace is possible, even in moments of emotional tension. When your child shows signs of distress, recite together: ‘Allahumma inni a’udhu bika min ghalabatil-ghadab’ (O Allah, I seek refuge in You from the overpowering of anger). This not only grounds the child, but also opens the door to spiritual awareness as a lifelong anchor for emotional wellbeing.