Parenting Perspective 

Acknowledge Their Feelings and Give Them Space 

Forcing a child to say ‘sorry’ often backfires, turning the moment into a power struggle. Instead, it is better to focus on the emotions behind their refusal. A child might resist apologising because they feel embarrassed or angry. The best first step is to acknowledge their feelings and give them space: ‘I can see you are very upset right now. Let’s take a break and we can talk about this later.’ This reduces their defensiveness and allows time for reflection. 

Teach Repair Over a Forced Apology 

You can explain that even if they do not feel ready to say sorry, they can still help to repair the situation. This could mean making a kind gesture, like helping to rebuild a tower they knocked over. Often, the simple act of making amends can soften a child’s heart, making a verbal apology feel more natural. Be sure to praise these small steps towards reconciliation: ‘That was a very kind way to start making things right.’ 

Nurture Empathy at Their Own Pace 

By shifting the focus from forcing apologies to nurturing empathy, you guide your child to reach sincerity at their own pace. This teaches them that an apology is not just about saying the word but about showing care and responsibility. 

Spiritual Insight 

Reconciliation Carries a Great Reward 

Islam teaches that while justice is a right, the act of forgiveness and reconciliation is a higher path that brings a special reward from Allah. An apology, when sincere, is a key part of this blessed process. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 40: 

‘And the outcome (of defending) against an evil, (could be the formation) of an evil similar to it; so therefore, whoever offers amnesty and reconciliation, then his reward shall be with Allah (Almighty)…’ 

True Strength is in Self-Control 

A child’s refusal to apologise often comes from a place of anger or pride. The prophetic tradition teaches that true strength is not found in stubbornness, but in the ability to control one’s emotions and soften one’s heart. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who overcomes others, but the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

Healing Hearts and Earning Reward 

When you teach your child that Allah values sincere reconciliation far more than forced words, they begin to see an apology not as a punishment, but as a beautiful way to heal hearts and earn a reward. This understanding can help them to move from stubborn refusal towards genuine responsibility.