Parenting Perspective 

Acknowledge Their Feelings First 

It is natural for a child to feel angry and want to retaliate when they have been treated unfairly. Instead of dismissing these feelings, the first step is to acknowledge their hurt: ‘I can see you are upset, and you have a right to feel that way because that was not fair.’ This simple validation can calm their initial frustration. You can then gently guide them towards a better response, explaining that revenge often makes things worse. Encourage them to pause and seek help from a trusted adult instead. 

Teach Self-Control as a Strength 

Help your child to understand that true strength is shown in controlling one’s response, not in lashing out. You can role-play scenarios at home where they can practise responding firmly but calmly. It is important to praise their efforts to stay calm, even if they are still visibly upset. This builds resilience and teaches them that there is great dignity in restraint, which will earn them more respect in the long run. 

Transform Revenge into Maturity 

By combining empathy, practical tools, and praise for self-control, you teach your child to transform the urge for revenge into a chance to practise maturity and fairness. This helps them to protect their self-respect without escalating conflict. 

Spiritual Insight 

Forgiveness Carries a Greater Reward 

Islam teaches that while responding to injustice with a proportionate response is permissible, the path of forgiveness and reconciliation is higher and carries a special reward from Allah. This encourages a believer to rise above the desire for revenge. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verses 40-41: 

‘ And the outcome (of defending) against an evil, (could be the formation) of an evil similar to it; so therefore, whoever offers amnesty and reconciliation, then his reward shall be with Allah (Almighty); indeed, He (Allah Almighty) does not like the transgressors. And for the person who defends himself after he has been wronged, they shall have (no blame placed) upon them for taking this pathway.‘ 

True Strength is Controlling Anger 

The prophetic tradition powerfully redefines strength. It is not about physical dominance or the ability to overpower others, but about the inner ability to control one’s anger in a moment of provocation. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who overpowers others, but the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

Responding with Calmness and Fairness 

When you connect the urge to retaliate with the Islamic values of patience and forgiveness, you help your child to reframe their feelings. They begin to see that holding back is not a sign of weakness, but one of immense strength. Over time, they learn that responding to unfairness with calmness earns them both respect from others and a great reward from Allah.