Parenting Perspective 

Criticising a teen’s identity or faith is one of the most delicate issues in a parent-child relationship. Teens are in the process of defining who they are, and their faith and beliefs are integral to that formation. When a parent criticises any aspect of their child’s identity, it can feel like an attack on their very being. Such criticism can cause emotional wounds that affect not just their relationship with you, but their sense of self. Rebuilding rapport after such a moment requires deep humility, empathy, and a commitment to restoring trust. 

Acknowledge the Hurt and Validate Their Feelings 

The first step is acknowledging the impact of your words on your teen’s emotional well-being. By acknowledging their pain, you show that you understand the emotional weight of your words and take responsibility for the hurt caused. 

• What to do: Say something like, ‘I realise that what I said hurt you, and I deeply regret making you feel like I do not respect your identity and faith. You are important to me, and I want to understand what you feel.’ 

• Why it works: Validating their feelings helps your teen feel heard and respected. It takes the focus off defensiveness and places it on healing the emotional rift. 

Sincerely Apologise and Take Responsibility 

Once you have acknowledged their feelings, a sincere apology is necessary. Apologising is not just about saying sorry, but about demonstrating accountability for your actions. 

• What to do: Offer a heartfelt, clear apology. For instance, ‘I am sorry for criticising something so important to you. I did not realise how deeply it hurt you, and I regret saying those things. It is my mistake, and I am committed to being more respectful of your beliefs.’ 

• Why it works: A genuine apology shows a commitment to repairing the relationship. Taking full responsibility is vital in rebuilding trust. 

Give Them Space to Express Themselves 

After offering an apology, your teen may still feel hurt or need time to process their feelings. Allowing them space to express their thoughts and emotions openly, without judgement, creates an atmosphere of trust. 

• What to do: Say something like, ‘I understand if you are not ready to talk about this yet, but when you are, I am here to listen. I want to understand how you feel and what I can do to make things right.’ 

• Why it works: Respecting their need for space demonstrates that you are committed to their emotional well-being and that you do not want to rush the process. 

Show Through Actions That You Respect Their Identity 

Rebuilding rapport is not just about words; it is about consistent actions that demonstrate respect for your teen’s identity and beliefs. 

• What to do: Take the initiative to learn more about your teen’s faith or identity and show a genuine interest in understanding what matters to them. 

• Why it works: Active engagement in understanding their identity and beliefs shows that you respect their autonomy and that your commitment to them is more than just an apology. 

Create a Safe Space for Future Conversations 

Encourage an environment where your teen feels safe to share their beliefs, opinions, and feelings with you. Establishing regular, open lines of communication will help you avoid future conflicts. 

• What to do: Let your teen know that they can always come to you with questions or concerns about their identity or faith without fear of criticism. For example, ‘I want you to know that I respect your views, and I am always here to talk, no matter what they are.’ 

• Why it works: Creating a safe, non-judgemental space empowers your teen to express themselves freely and helps prevent misunderstandings. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Importance of Respect and Dignity 

The noble Quran encourages respect for the dignity and worth of others, including their identity and beliefs. It reminds us that no one should be ridiculed or belittled. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘ Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

In the context of repairing a relationship with your teen, this verse reinforces the importance of respecting their beliefs and showing humility. 

The Foundation of Mutual Love and Respect 

The teachings of the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ tell us the importance of respecting others’ identities and beliefs. When we criticise our teen’s identity or faith, we harm that mutual love and respect. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 45, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you will truly believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself.’ 

Rebuilding rapport requires returning to the core of this belief, where we show love and understanding toward their uniqueness. By acknowledging the hurt, offering a sincere apology, and demonstrating respect through consistent actions, you can rebuild rapport with your teen and restore trust in your relationship.