Parenting Perspective 

Children often naturally step into the role of a ‘comforter’ when they see a parent who is upset. While this comes from a place of love, it can make them feel responsible for fixing adult struggles. To protect them from this burden, you need to actively model the healthy practice of seeking appropriate adult help. This shows your children that while emotions are real and valid, there are safe, mature ways to handle them without placing that weight on the young. 

Explain Your Support System 

Be open with your children about the existence of your support network, without sharing the sensitive details. You could say, ‘When I feel stressed or unsure about something, I talk to other grown-ups who can guide me, like an imam, a counsellor, or a trusted friend. That is how I stay strong for our family’. This teaches them that problems are not shameful secrets, but are challenges to be shared with safe and responsible people. 

Demonstrate Seeking Help in Action 

Children learn far more from what you do than from what you say. Let them see you taking positive action, whether it is booking an appointment with a counsellor, attending a halaqah (study circle) to seek knowledge, or speaking respectfully on the phone to a mentor. Your actions demonstrate that seeking help is a sign of strength. 

Gently Redirect Their Attempts to Help 

When your child tries to ‘fix’ your feelings or solve your problems, it is important to gently redirect them. You could respond by saying, ‘Thank you so much for caring about me. But this is not your job. My job is to take care of you, and I have other adults who help me when I need it’. This simple statement prevents a role reversal and protects their innocence. 

Normalise Seeking Guidance 

By openly valuing and seeking guidance, you show your children that true strength comes not from bottling up emotions, but from having the wisdom to seek help. This also sets a powerful foundation for your child, making it more likely that they will reach out for support when they face their own future challenges. 

By modelling where to turn in times of difficulty, you train your child to see that asking for support is a responsible and honourable act, and to know that their role is simply to be loved and cared for, not to carry the burdens of others. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam strongly encourages the practice of consultation (shura) and seeking help from people of knowledge and wisdom. The act of turning to qualified guides, rather than placing emotional stress on children, is a direct fulfilment of your parental duty to protect their emotional safety. 

The Command to Seek Knowledge 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 43: 

‘…So (always) question the people of realisation, if you find yourselves unaware of (anything).‘ 

This verse is a direct divine command. It teaches us that when we are feeling burdened, lost, or unsure, the correct and blessed path is to turn to those with wisdom and knowledge for guidance, rather than turning inwards or to those who are not equipped to help, such as our children. 

The Path to Acquiring Wisdom 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2682, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever goes out in search of knowledge is in the path of Allah until he returns.’ 

This Hadith highlights the immense virtue of actively seeking knowledge and guidance. Modelling this for our children teaches them that striving to find answers and support from the right sources is a noble and rewarded act. 

By modelling adult help-seeking, you show your children that seeking support is an honourable act, that solutions often come from wisdom, and that their role is to remain children, secure in the care of parents who lean first on Allah Almighty and then on trustworthy, knowledgeable adults.