Parenting Perspective 

When a child complains to you about their other parent, they are often seeking validation, attention, or are attempting to test alliances within the family. If this situation is handled poorly, it can create division and resentment. The key is to listen to their feelings without fuelling negativity, and then to gently redirect the child towards resolving the matter directly with the parent concerned. 

Acknowledge Feelings and Redirect to the Source 

Instead of either dismissing their complaint or joining in with criticism, use language that validates their feelings while pointing towards a solution. Consider saying: 

• ‘I can hear that you are upset with Mum/Dad. Have you spoken to them about how you feel?’ 

• ‘That sounds like it is very important to you. Let us go and share this with Mum/Dad together.’ 

This approach shows you are taking their feelings seriously, while making it clear that solutions come from direct and honest communication, not from side conversations. 

Emphasise Parental Unity 

It is crucial that your words and actions demonstrate solidarity with your spouse. You could say, ‘Mum and Dad are a team, so I will not take sides in this. Let us talk about this issue together as a family’. This helps the child understand that their parents are united, not competitors for their loyalty. 

Model and Correct the Tone of Speech 

If your child uses harsh or disrespectful language when complaining, calmly correct their tone. You could say, ‘I can see that you are upset, but it is important that we always use respectful words when we talk about Mum/Dad’. This sets a standard of dignity, even when expressing difficult emotions. 

By redirecting your child with this balanced and unified language, you protect your marital unity and teach your child the invaluable skill of healthy conflict resolution. Over time, they will learn that showing respect for both parents is a non-negotiable family principle. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great importance on showing respect to both parents and warns against any speech that might dishonour them. Helping a child learn to redirect their complaints in a respectful manner is an essential part of building their character and ensuring harmony within the family. 

The Command to Speak Noble Words to Parents 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 23: 

‘ And your Sustainer has decreed that you do not worship anyone except Him Alone; And (treat) parents favourably; whether one of them or both of them reach old age in your lifetime; then do not say to either of them ‘Uff’ (an expression of disrespectful frustration) and do not admonish them; and talk to them with kind words.‘ 

This verse makes it clear that even in moments of frustration, children must be taught to speak kindly to and about their parents. Redirecting complaints is a practical way of training them to use “a noble word”. 

The Seriousness of Dishonouring Parents 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 338, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘It is one of the gravest sins that a man should abuse his parents.’ The companions asked: ‘Does a man abuse his parents?’ He said: ‘Yes, he abuses the father of another man, who then abuses his father, and he abuses his mother, who then abuses his mother.’ 

This powerful Hadith teaches us that dishonouring one’s parents, even indirectly, is a very serious matter. Guiding a child away from complaining and towards respectful dialogue is a way of protecting them from this spiritual harm. 

When parents redirect complaints with calm and unity, they fulfil their duty of guiding children toward respect. The child learns that love does not mean taking sides but encouraging honesty, dignity, and fairness in every relationship.